Looks like Piattino wins this round.

What if I promise to use the phrase "veritable feast for the senses" in every review?

"IT'S TRULY THE TOTINO'S PIZZA ROLLS OF ASIAN FUSION CUISINE."

Glad to see that the newspaper industry is thriving and vibrant.

Complete application:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkTQFjpYRA0

Can I be the Mercury reviewer just for strip club food?

"All-natural, craft soda company?" he asked incredulously. So they'll use cane sugar instead of HFCS -- except that they're really the same thing -- and charge hipsters double for it. On second thought, that's a brilliant idea. Onstad is going to be rich!

I'm serious. I'll do it for $20 a week. In ones.

bye Onstar. I feel that your super wacky reviewing style became less and less wacky with each review until finally they were suitable for Willamette Week. Your next destination perhaps?

@Showstopper When I say that they're the same, I mean that they're both made up approximately equal parts glucose and fructose.

The fact that HFCS is processed and other sugars are "natural" does not change how it's digested. One study showed that some rats may process HFCS differently, but there's no research that says humans do. Bottom line: it doesn't matter if you're drinking a Pepsi or an "all-natural, craft soda," it's all the same.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/09/20/i…

SUPER CHUNDY BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE CORN REFINERS ASSOCIATION