You're surrounded by the Portland Mercury and you're having trouble finding crappy things to make fun of? I have a suggestion for you: http://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=optom…
In lieu of that can we just ridicule the ludicrous things that emerge from this "publication" ( i"m with Graham here, seriously how could you be bored?).....oh and forward my children's story to Allison, thanks, toodles
PAGING PAUL CONSTANT