Comments

1
Keep it up. It gets better.
2
I don't think this is what they mean by "make direct amends."
3
Good for you. Keep on keepin' on.
4
JUST FOR TODAY. * GOLF CLAP*
5
YAY! Go to meetings my friend!
6
And thank you for sharing here. You do know that there are many places that you can go to get the support that is vital on the hard fucking road ahead, right? Not only AA, but Rational Recovery, which is not as cultish & religiously oriented. And there are many more.

You've made it through the first 3 days, & after 12 yrs. of daily drinking, you are probably in the clear as far as having seizures. But alcohol is one of the only drugs that does require medically supervised detox, because it can actually kill you. You might want to consider one of the detox programs in the area. Hooper is one, but i have not heard the greatest things about them. i have been to TRC in Tigard, & i had a really positive, supportive & compassionate experience there. But, there are others.

Beyond that, let me just say that i feel your pain & i know your struggle. Alcoholism destroys everything in our lives & we are left with nothing but solitude & self loathing. That is why support programs exist. On our own, we are left to face all that we have lost & destroyed with no one to tell us that sobriety is worth it, & that life is worth living. That there is beauty & that we are stronger for all that we have been through. And that support & camaraderie can serve as a powerful antidote to the loneliness, the misery & the fucked up fact that our drug of choice is ever present. Everywhere. Just going to the grocery store is a hard trip down craving lane.

It is possible. But it is nearly impossible alone. So, please, do seek out help & support. And you should really & truly acknowledge the strength that it has taken to make it this far. You can make it...You can have a life once more. Blessings.
7
This is a real drinking town, but clearly just from these heartfelt responses, not everyone is so charmed by that fact anymore. As I've tried to sober up and leave my extended adolescence behind, I've found a few things extremely helpful:

Stay busy with new and different activities. Check craigslist activity partners, MeetUp.com, and Hands On Portland. There are worlds of mature, interesting, irreverent, crazy and sexy folks who get their kicks far, far from bars and big drinking. Find 'em and find fun and meaningful activities.

Exercise. Use your lungs and reengage your muscles. Your body will remember, if reluctantly at first, how to live by movin' and groovin'. Join a sports league, hit up the pool or weight room at a community center, try a free week of yoga or martial arts... The boost from the endorphines is fantastic for mental health and sense of accomplishment.

Find support and some new friends. I've personally gotten tremendous benefit from men's groups via The ManKind Project, and there are plenty of other types of groups that may speak to you. Find 'em!

Best wishes. Be strong.
8
Hey, did you hit that car on the night of Jan. 13 (technically the morning of Jan. 14th?) If so, you hit my car...technically van. Thanks for the apology, and I'm glad that you're okay. I've woken up with that sick "Oh, shit," feeling in my gut more times than I'd like to admit (although not lately, thankfully) and it sucks. Don't worry about my van-even though I'd only had the thing for a week, I had good insurance, so I just collected a check, got another vehicle (which I love, btw) and moved on. Besides, it made for a good story. Good luck, keep up your sobriety, and get your ass to AA or smart recovery, as kalikill suggested. Hang in there. Life will get better.
9
Go here:

http://www.pdxaa.com/

Find a meeting. Go to it. Repeat.
10
Congrats on your sobriety and beginning to make your amends!

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