Anonymous May 28, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Comments

1
I saw a dude bring a typewriter to the Sandy river once. Unbelievable.
2
Then he drowned! But I guess that wasn't the typewriter's fault.

3
What a fool! Quill and inkwell are much more hip.
4
It's probably the same guy, I've seen him around town.

Ultimately, my sentiment is who gives a fuck? So he likes his typewriter, big deal. Quit worrying so much about what other people do.
5
I have noticed that porkpie hats have replaced the fedora for this season's fashion-forward hipster
6
Me too Iceprez! In before some hipster doofus complains about the use of the word "hipster". Jesus that typewriter schtick is lame.
7
This I,A sucks though because it starts off saying that generalizations are kinda stupid, then goes on to make a shit ton of them. C-, anonie.
8
arenit, the point is to not worry about what others are doing when they are truly just doing their own thing. When they are doing something ridiculous specifically so that they will be noticed and find them interesting, they deserve a fountain of scorn.

I used to live around the corner from a guy off of Alberta who dressed like an old man from the 1940's every single day. He would where a suit, overcoat, fedora, and cane. Then he'd hobble around like he was old and walk about 2 miles an hour. Not just wearing the stuff, but actually acting like he was old. He did this every day, literally for years.
9
Ooooooh! You called that bitch out on his N. Williams shit. Yeah baby!
10
@8: "He did this every day, literally for years."
Wow, you were watching pretty hard.
11
No, I lived there and I have eyeballs.
12
You were watching someone who lived around the corner, and who was clearly nuts, every single day, for years.
13
Are you sure 'Portlandia' wasn't filming?
14
Geyser is the new Damosa.
15
That may be Georgie, but that makes you the new Andy From Beaverton.
16
@14: Last I checked DamosA was still around, and you were still elbow-deep in there, with nothing interesting to say.
17
Sooo geyser. Quick question....you say,"last I checked" regarding Cliffys status, yet, Blabby simply notices his weird neighbor. And Blabbys a freak for it??

Glass houses my little creeper, glass houses.
18
IA, if said fedora-crowned hipster's game was to get people to notice him, then i'd say MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. He's got you so heated up, you've deemed it necessary to submit an IA about him. And since there aren't that many people (e.i. NONE that i've seen) lugging around ten lb. old school type-writers, if he reads this he'll know it's about him. Would likely make his day and encourage/validate future behavior.

If you're that incredibly annoyed by someone using a typewriter and wearing a fedora, why don't stop loitering at coffee shops LURKING at other people?
19
^written by another "oh look at me, I'm sooo alternative".
20
Don't bring a knife to a typewriter fight.
21
You sure seem to keep noticing...
22
How can one not? I get a good chuckle at people who put forth soooo much effort into their costumes. Especially anyone over 20.
23
According to YOU, i'm only 17. Care to make up your pea-brained mind?
24
My how your memory fades. What I have said is you DRESS and ACT like a 17yo.

You fancy yourself an anachronism but dude, your just jism....


25
You're
26
It's *YOU'RE, stupid bitch! AH HA! Maybe you should go back to school and take some writing classes, yourself.
27
Nice try fuckface.
28
Really? REALLY?






really?
29
Hi. My name's Bill. Bill Lascher, and I'm guilty on all counts. I'm your accursed typist. I am your hipster. Revel in my attention-seeking glory. No, really, do so. You can learn all about me and my typewriter at my web site: www.lascheratlarge.com. If I'm not mistaken, I think you can even see a picture of me in my fedora (actually, I don't know for sure if it's technically a fedora, but probably being that pedantic about it will further solidify the validity of your judgments), wearing a vest no less, and typing on my computer. Holy Pabst,it's a hipster trifecta! Oh, and don't forget to follow me on twitter (@billlascher), where I believe I even wagered that someone would write an IA about the typewriter outing. So meta it hurts (though my useage of the word "meta" is probably a tad too hipster). Cue accusations of writing the original I.A. in 3...2...1....

Alas, I'm no doubt spending far too much time on my typewriter pursuing my "Luddite life of yore" to care, though my attention may be drained by my side gigs as a multimedia journalism instructor and freelance storyteller (because I can't just say journalist now, can I?). My primary gig, of course, is strutting that fedora-wearing-ass of mine you fancy. Naturally, I devote all of the income toward buying vintage devices with which I can further annoy you. We know this because you've already established that my parents - presumably including my long-dead father - pay for my apartment. I do happen to live there alone, but as you're no doubt ready to suggestm we all know that's because I'm insufferable company.

I'm such insufferable company that I actually know how often I lug my machine (A Corona 4, manufactured in 1930, thank you very much) to public places. Its trip before your sensitive ears and affrontedly-rolled eys would have been trip three. Trip two was just a day before, when I brought it along with me to Apex so I could drink beer and play pinball (get out your hipster bingo cards!) as I wrote a letter to a friend in the South Pacific. Amusingly enough, the typewriter itself spent a great deal of time in the Pacific seven decades ago with its owner, a World War II reporter about whom I launched a failed Kickstarter project (because what's more hipster than Kickstarter? A failed Kickstarter project). The first was last fall in front of Extracto, because it was a nice day (actually, I believe then I was writing the very same friend before she left for the South Pacific).

Oddly enough, it's rare for it not to be rainy in Portland, a fact I haven't quite internalized because, wait for it, I MOVED HERE FROM L.A. (No, seriously. Los Angeles. You can't make this shit up people). So this hipster transplant asshole trustafarian douche tends to spend such days indoors. I'm also a bit too much in my own head (how else would I have an exact count of how many times I've indulged in my Luddism?), so I'm paranoid that if I brought the typewriter inside I'd annoy people with its noise. Soooo, perhaps I was A)worrying I was even annoying people outside and drowning out theirconversations or B)thinking about what I was writing. Oh, wait, no, your guess that I wanted to see who was watching must be right. Because you guessed it.

Since you asked whether it was really "necessary" to engage in this affront to your peace, I'll venture that fulfilling a commitment to people who gave money to my aforementioned World War II-era journalist no-longer-a-Kickstarter-project (because what's even more hipster than a failed kickstarter project? A stubborn idiot who doesn't get the fact people don't want to back his project who goes out and creates his own "independent" fundraising campaign) to send them thank-you notes typewritten from the machine is not a necessity? Clearly, privately harboring complaints about said hipster and posting them to an online rant board is. (man, these parenthetical references are getting annoying, and confusing).

Of course, my ability to evade the hipster label is further wounded by the fact that my byline has appeared on multiple occasions in this very publication, a fact that no doubt makes Matt Davis cringe (BTW one of those bylines was about earthquakes, much to the chagrin of a later IA). Nor is it aided by the fact I was having coffee at Ristretto, as I do on an alarmingly regular basis. Alas, you've already called me out for the offense of using modern technology concurrently with "ancient" technology. My cover is blown. My hypocrasy is bared for the world to see. Coincidentally, I suppose you were too busy concocting your clever tear-down to listen as I spoke about the typewriter to the three or four people who stopped to admire (Oh baby!). Had you been able to you might have heard me mention how I pulled out my typewriter after both my crummy ass non-Mac netbook lost its charge just at the same time my iPhone did so (yes, I said it, iPhone, because, you know, the hipster incongruity thing). As busy as I was preening for the world's attention, I forgot the various chargers I needed. Meanwhile, so woozy was I with your fellow coffee patrons' attention that when I later "whipped out my cell" as I left so that I could listen to a podcast on my walk home (oh man, please tell me I was trying to listen to a Radiolab podcast, that would just be hipster gold, but, alas, I think it was Professor Blastoff) that I'd forgotten the thing was dead.

So, my friend, this is all a really long way of saying next time you see me (and, as was noted by a previous commentor, yes, I believe I am encouraged by this post) get up, walk over, and say "dude, that typing shit's annoying and you look stupid in that hat."

Fuck, I really want a moleskine.

-Vintagely yours,
Bill

P.S. Speaking of validation, I think that already happened when that pair of lovely hipster women chatted me up. One of them left me her number, by the way.

P.P.S. Yeah, the hat was a little silly but I'm questioning its evidence of my "love with the Luddite life of yore" in that instead of wearing it with a snazzy suit, it accompanied jeans, a t-shirt with Vin Scully's portrait on it (okay, you got me, Vin is pretty much a hipster icon) and a purple and black flannel.

P.P.P.S. Keep an eye out for my byline, there's a really hipster piece coming down the line in another local publication later this summer. Enjoy.

P.P.P.P.S. Okay, I'm just being a dork now.
30
" I devote all of the income toward buying vintage devices with which I can further annoy you"

The guy fuckin' rules
31
HA! I knew he'd come and see this! Sir, you've got MY support.
32
This isn't the first time I've heard someone who stands out in some way being accused of "Look at me! Come on, notice me, please!" hipsterism. Why can't people dress how they want? If using an old typewriter gives someone joy, why can't they lug it wherever they want and use it? I suppose the original poster would be happiest in a world where no one does anything interesting where other people might happen to see it, and where everyone must dress in conforming ways that blend in completely with the masses and in no way hint at any originality, personality, or self-expression. Sounds pretty boring. I'd much rather live in a world where people can dress as they please and do reasonable things in public without being ignorantly ridiculed for it. I sure could do without the kind of self-righteous assumptions and judgements exhibited by the original poster who would rather make themselves superior to another person by tearing them apart than actually talk to the person and ask them what they were feverishly typing away at instead of writing longhand. Get over yourself. Live and let live.
33
Lascher is at large. Brav-fucking-o.

Those who can't compete, complain.
36
Jake, does it really bother you THAT much that you read online about some guy you don't know who brought a typewriter to a coffee shop you probably never went to? Are you really *ALL CAPS mad about it?
38
Who says he's "trying" so hard at anything??? Someone brings a typewriter to a coffee shop - SO GODDAMN WHAT?!

Frankly, i wouldn't even notice something like that. No really, think about it - you're out 'n about in public just doing whatever, minding your own business, not bothering anyone. Then you come home, go online, and find out that some random anonymous hater wrote some stupid shit about you. "WHAAAAA! I SAW THIS FUCKING GUY IN A COFFEE SHOP TODAY! HE WAS WEARING CLOTHS I DON'T LIKE AND DOING STUFF I DON'T LIKE. HE WASN'T BOTHERING ME IN ANY PARTICULAR WAY... he was actually just sort of minding his own business, BUT STILL, WHAAAAA!!!"

People haul their laptops to public places all the time. So what if someone brings a typewriter? Maybe he's Steampunk. So what if he's wearing a fedora? I bet he has a mustache too, like 30% of men do. Ohh, the humanity! Why can't everyone be, act, and look NORMAL like everyone else?!
39
Damosa- To be fair, Mr. Lascher pretty much gleefully admitted that a good part of his motivation is to be noticed. This kind of behavior flies right over my head because, lets be honest, it is typically the rule and not the exception in these parts.
40
Oh gawd, what a self-pompous windbag, this Lascher is. Man, oh man, talk about being full of yourself. I bet his mirror gets a lot use... hugs, kisses, all of that. If I heard this dude talking about himself somewhere, I'd just quietly exit the room and take a fucking breath. I've had to be exposed to these self-righteous ass-wipes since moving to Portland 20 years ago. I bet he's all proud of himself for FORCING people to notice him... wow, what a talent! There is absolutely nothing unique about him, for he's just another sumbitch in a long line of sumbitches.
41
@38: This is really weird Mimosa, you're usually against EVERY SINGLE IA that comes over the newswires. Why are you so supportive of this guy? Perhaps it's a fantasy of yours that he'll take you along on his attention seeking endeavors? Maybe you think he's currently accepting applications for the position of sidekick, and you supporting him here will put you at the top of el listo? You'd be like that little cartoon dog who tags behind that pit bull saying, "whatcha wanna do now Lasher? Huh, whatcha wanna do now? Can I hold your typewriter for you? Get you more coffee? Nod my head in agreement to everything you say? Huh, Lascher? Old buddy, old pal?" It's sorta odd Mimosa, your behavior and all... perhaps a cold shower is in order?
42
Question: How do we know that this typewriting dude didn't write the IA himself? Think about it... he writes the IA, then comments after, saying that he knew someone was going to write about him and his 'uniqueness'. It would really feed his ego... "hey, look at how unique and intelligent I am, I KNEW someone would notice and then complain about me! See how different I am?"
I think he wrote it himself and I think he tweeted his "prediction" before he did, so he could be proven right.
If he did, in fact, do this, what a fucking pathetic cry for attention.
43
@41 and 42. Agreed. I still think you two are fuckheads though.
44
@42: That makes total sense! If he did write it himself, what a sad, sad loser! I sorta feel sorry for him.
Poor wittle attention seeking man-whore.
45
Here's how I see it:

(1) Getting a typewritten letter in the mail is pretty cool in this saturated digital age.

(2) Lascher's clearly having fun doing what he wants.

(3) People who have nothing better to do than criticize lead sad lives.
46
Lasher..you want attention? Listen up you worthless hipster twit: when I see you and your typewriter, I'm going to take that sonofabitch, polish up real nice , turn it sideways and stick straight up you poser AAAZZZZZ!
47
Dear Well-Meaning Commentators and Miscellaneous Dorkas Idiots:

I happen to know that particular "Hipster"; and I am also familiar with that particular typewriter (and "No," I am not Mr. Lascher). The typewriter was owned by an American hero, to whom El Hipster Lascher happens to be related. Those of you who attack Bill (or Billiam, as he is sometimes affectionately known) would picket a real hero and obviously worship some new-age bullshit, so responding to you is like shitting in a stiff wind, but what the heck, it's late and the wind is blowing in your direction.

The offending typewriting journalist (and he is a professional writer) was actually out minding his own business, writing letters to friends and enjoying a cup of joe. If you are offended by people being themselves (and God forbid, sending personal letters instead of tweets), and wearing Fedoras or otherwise exhibiting independent thought, then you and your moody, carping, antagonistic feelings are your own punishment. On the other hand, "Fuck you, you stupid pricks"! Get over yourselves already and let a guy put on a hat and peck out some prose for Christ's sake!

I'm just an old fart, so you needn't listen to me. On the other hand, "Fuck you, you stupid pricks"! [Oops, I already said that.] Mind your own damn business and stop projecting your puerile (or at best, petty) motives on a genuinely creative, warm and earnest guy. Mr. Lascher is one of the good ones. Who knows, even a stupid fuckwad like the person who wrote the original post attacking him might realize that Bill is a good guy, but then again, that would require that he, she or it (have to give equal time to Trannies) would have to take the time to open its banal mind and listen, look or enquire, rather than go on a rampage and attack for no good reason).

'Nuf said.


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