How were you able to chase him and wrangle his arm without spilling your coffee?

I hope you had a toothpick in your mouth.

Fake. Portlanders are way too passive aggressive for this to have actually happened.

portland has buffets?

This was better with robots.

I believed this all the way up to the "excuse me, but I'm not done yet." part. I don’t believe you stood your ground, writing about it on here. Dudes who do, would be at a bar, making his buddies buy him a drink. I don’t believe this because dudes don’t say “I said excuse me” dudes say “wtf did you just say to me bro?” Someone who comes up with “a taste of your own medicine” as their come back line, also does not know how to deflect anything until anything tenses up, except his dick, and even then it’s questionable. If you slowly poured hot coffee on his face, you’re be in jail right now. Congrats for using to ward and towards in back to back sentences. I bet that was a hard one.

You're a psychopath. You slowly splashed/poured hot coffee in someone's face? Sure, the guy was a douche but you're unstable. Please, refrain from being in public. Ever.

Lucky for the cutterinliner that the coffee pourer had managed to finagle at least a couple of ounces of chocolate milk in the cup. If anyone were to splash orange juice in my face, I would have been tempted to simply make the asshole quadriplegic. In my expert opinion it would take a highly skilled martial artist to keep from spilling that coffee during the altercation and to stay cool enough not to beat the shit out of that guy. Also, this probably happened someplace like in Hawaii.

Maybe, Hayley, if the prick had apologized as he did have plenty of time to do, he might have been spared the public humiliation. The coffee may have felt hot in is big round wide open eyes, but the milk cooled it below scalding.

The Showstopper, are you racist? The Hawaiian guy and his local buddy were baiting me and got the bait shoved back up their collective ass. I don't associate with nerds. Not that I have anything against them, it's just that they don't hang with the brahs on 'da beach. Again, just this morning, I was standing in line at the resort to enter the buffet. I was telling this Texan ex rodeo champ who had been camping around the island how I had been camping, but that so many other campers leave a lot of trash behind and that they ought to have more respect for the land. Then this white guy with his hair done up all Samurai style, butted in, saying how he was born in the mountains and raised by the Japanese to be real minimalist and caring for the land, but after they busted out all his teeth he now litters wherever he wants because nobody ever picks him up when he hitchhikes; not even bus drivers will stop for him. That's the sort of people I roll with.

What's with the current trend of the IA's "thread bombing" (Is that a word? If not, I'm trademarking it a'la Wm. Humpy) their own post? Single Bullet: I still call bull shit.

Yeah, I checked the prick's arm with my left and just sort of pushed the cup of coffee horizontally at his stunned stupefied face with my right. The coffee just sort of gushed out at point blank range in a big, fat, slush. It was the maximum volume of liquid spread out over the longest length of time. It couldn't have been more perfect if I had ever thought to practice that.

@ Scaler911: i believe every word of it. it sounds like bullshit, it smells like bullshit, and it *should* be bullshit, but it's probably not.

@ Single Bullet:

relax, man. don't go blowing it now -- it's been nearly 2 weeks and you haven't been kicked off (not under the name of 'Single Bullet', anyway) the site -- REMAIN CALM -- you're doing so well! i'm proud of you!

you've even made a couple of funny, worth-reading comments in that time (not in this thread) -- now don't go getting all bat-shit-Hawaii-crazy all of a sudden.....breathe in, breathe out.....in through the mouth, out through the nose. repeat. try not to type out every single thought that comes careening through your skull. (you remember what happened to Multnomahn and Rollergirl and Dr. Minsk when they forgot to calm the fuck down and breathe in and out, right??)

also: the Mercury staff (and us sloppy commenters) recommend trying to keep your comments down to a maximum of 5/hour/thread, unless you're just really killing it (which you never have).

and, for fuck's sake, quit assaulting milk-drinking buffet-goers just because they're stupid. next time, just breathe in, breathe out, and walk the other way toward your table to enjoy your 10 lbs. of Clackamite food sans childish assault.

If I say okay would that be too much?

ahhh, nevermind, man. keep it up. ain't got nothing but love.

but, seriously, at the very least: quit assaulting milk-drinking buffeters just because they're being stupid -- it's just a part of life that we all have to deal with (in a civil manner).

First of all he and his buddy each cut in front of me. Secondly the jerk left the table so I finally got my turn. As I am in the middle of pouring my drink, the idiot returns and taps me on the shoulder. Right there, just for that, I should have dropped him.