Comments

1
Oh no, don't make fun of the Oregonian! Anything but that!

Being an aggressive lesbian may not be "trendy anymore," but I guess being an assholy hetero never goes out of style.
2
You went after bedazzled jeans, crossword puzzles and lesbians all in the same rant. I assure you the problem is all you.
3
Well, this one finally broke me. I don't think I can read another poorly written list of things that some idiot doesn't like about the place where he chooses to live. I'm taking a break. Maybe I'll check back in over the summer when all the anti-cyclist posts start up again. Until then, best of luck to you all.
4
No! Don't leave us Torgo! You are the king of this pile of shit!
5
@ Torgo:

You'll be experiencing the shakes by early tomorrow afternoon. But don't relent. You can do it. YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT.

And if you ever feel like you're about to click on the I,A link, especially during these next few days, even if it's just "to take a quick look", immediately punch yourself in the face (hard) and swallow a double of warm rotgut.

If that doesn't work, you're obviously not hitting yourself hard enough, and the scotch you're slamming probably isn't cheap enough. No one said this would be easy. Instead, have your wife backhand you (endearingly mention that, though you still love her, she's become "slightly fat these days") and add some bath salts to the aforementioned rotgut.

Continue with this system for as long as it takes (probably a couple of weeks, assuming you're as mentally-tough as i think you are) to completely wean yourself off of this soul-crushing column.

Good luck.

I'll see you in paradise.

(someone else's) Godspeed.
6
I tip with cock rings. Is that wrong?
7
Gods peed? or god speed? that is the question Human in Training, and its a good one.
8
economy seems fine from here. the problem must be you.
9
PDX: Living where the sun don't shine.
10
@ Munch:

it's either/or, depending on whether or not it's raining.

anyway, you just gave me a great idea for a new brand of bath salts -- it could be called 'Ambrosia Salts'.

'God's speed' could be in parentheses directly above the 'NOT TO BE CONSUMED BY MORTALS' warning.

$40/gram retail.....$5 discount for demigods and Mercury employees.
11
Also too: this really isn't an ode, it's a screed. I know you were going for an alliterative title, but that's too clever by half. Kinda like bedazzled jeans, actually.

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


Add a comment
Preview

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.