Well, this one finally broke me. I don't think I can read another poorly written list of things that some idiot doesn't like about the place where he chooses to live. I'm taking a break. Maybe I'll check back in over the summer when all the anti-cyclist posts start up again. Until then, best of luck to you all.
You'll be experiencing the shakes by early tomorrow afternoon. But don't relent. You can do it. YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT.
And if you ever feel like you're about to click on the I,A link, especially during these next few days, even if it's just "to take a quick look", immediately punch yourself in the face (hard) and swallow a double of warm rotgut.
If that doesn't work, you're obviously not hitting yourself hard enough, and the scotch you're slamming probably isn't cheap enough. No one said this would be easy. Instead, have your wife backhand you (endearingly mention that, though you still love her, she's become "slightly fat these days") and add some bath salts to the aforementioned rotgut.
Continue with this system for as long as it takes (probably a couple of weeks, assuming you're as mentally-tough as i think you are) to completely wean yourself off of this soul-crushing column.
Also too: this really isn't an ode, it's a screed. I know you were going for an alliterative title, but that's too clever by half. Kinda like bedazzled jeans, actually.
Being an aggressive lesbian may not be "trendy anymore," but I guess being an assholy hetero never goes out of style.
You'll be experiencing the shakes by early tomorrow afternoon. But don't relent. You can do it. YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT.
And if you ever feel like you're about to click on the I,A link, especially during these next few days, even if it's just "to take a quick look", immediately punch yourself in the face (hard) and swallow a double of warm rotgut.
If that doesn't work, you're obviously not hitting yourself hard enough, and the scotch you're slamming probably isn't cheap enough. No one said this would be easy. Instead, have your wife backhand you (endearingly mention that, though you still love her, she's become "slightly fat these days") and add some bath salts to the aforementioned rotgut.
Continue with this system for as long as it takes (probably a couple of weeks, assuming you're as mentally-tough as i think you are) to completely wean yourself off of this soul-crushing column.
Good luck.
I'll see you in paradise.
(someone else's) Godspeed.
it's either/or, depending on whether or not it's raining.
anyway, you just gave me a great idea for a new brand of bath salts -- it could be called 'Ambrosia Salts'.
'God's speed' could be in parentheses directly above the 'NOT TO BE CONSUMED BY MORTALS' warning.
$40/gram retail.....$5 discount for demigods and Mercury employees.