"I don't quite know what the fuck those things are supposed to be used for" (Yes you do!) "we had the best sex we'd had in a long time." (See!)

Nicely done GF for being a great GF too btw, but a thrown out of strangers car window, penis pump? Gross! So don’t fucking do that again, stinks.

"Unopened"...yeah, that's what you think.

Just don't set it to 11. Ever seen the Hindenburg explosion?

Oh yeah, just like how uhh.. someone totally threw a brand new Fleshlight at me. And I kept it, you know, as a joke (lol hahaha) and sometimes I even use it but I make sure everyone knows I DIDNT BUY IT, because in all honesty someone threw it at me. Brand new, totally unopened. I promise you I didn't buy it, or a penis pump. They were gently thrown at me. They were still in the wrapper. Please believe my story.