I felt bad for you until that last paragraph

I felt bad for you throughout the whole thing. And still do. And will for evermore.

I, too, find that sobriety is often impractical. (Though i must admit that i've reached this conclusion without a hint of childhood trauma...)

Calling BS. There's no way to save money by cooking at home while shopping at New Seasons.

"If I am at New Seasons I am drunk"

It's Fred Meyer that makes me hit the flask before I cross the threshold.

I make sure I'm drunk before I even get on this stupid internet to interact with the freaks here at the Mercury because it makes me feel socially uncomfortable.

For any chance of encountering actual living people in "public" it's three Xanax, a couple bong hits, and a shot of that purple drank.

I hear you. I don't want to be cranky, but I am sick of NS cashiers asking me what my plans are. I assume this is in the training script, but since I know you don't care, can we just leave it "have a nice day."

Since everybody thinks they were abused growing up maybe I was too.
Yeah definitely ABUSED.

Same texture is funnier and/or, more profound. Your drunken instincts are much better.

Have another drink

Ugh New Seasons cashiers...They ask me if I have any exciting plans every single time I'm there. No, dude, it's Tuesday night and I just got off of work, I'm gonna go home and eat. I know this is Portland but I'm not having a crazy party with my graham crackers.

At least that's better than the guy who yelled at me for using the wrong coffee bag when I ground my beans. STFU old hippie.

Seriously, you don't have to live the rest of your (adult) life wallowing in and blaming the abuse you suffered as a child. You know that, right?