I hereby sentence you to five years living in the basement of a clown house.

Even more worthy of a laugh (or a head-shaking sigh, rather) is the fact that you're actually proud of being no less incontinent than toddlers and octogenarians.

Shit the (flower) bed

Dude, why didn't you clean it up?

Some things aren't actually funny when you write them down.

Did you have that experience here I,A?

I think its perfectly acceptable for a grown man who lives a diet of PBR and American Spirit Cigarettes to have shitting problems. I've heard worse stories of grown men who must wear one-piece suits (working in clean rooms) who have shit themselves by accident. in fact, to quote a long-term professional in the field, "It happens all the time". The older you get, the easier it comes out, and sometimes its harder to keep in. Where do you think the term "Shit Happens" came from?

Who the shit is clicking the like button on all these I Anon's, like this one? Stop encouraging them please?

Anon, you're repugnant as fuck!

Did you wipe with his iron maiden t shirt?

I smell a poop storm a brewin'...

Why wouldn't you just hose the fucker off? I really don't understand. Big fucking deal. No one saw you. Why leave it there?

I am playing the bullshit card. For IA to have laid a turd solid enough survived for weeks means that it wasn't an emergency. If anything it would have been a slow poo. Said neighbor would have chased him away or recognized him. Emergencies only happen with diarrhea my friends; diarrhea.

Bok Choy, excellent Matlock there. Like all great tv detectives you found the flaw in the poo logic and provided the Aha! moment.
As you shamed the perp into admitting on the stand he DID crap in his yard and his dog or wife or kid tracked it in the house and all over the berbur carpet. That was the real crime here.

What a life...tchsssssss.