This is what happens when you let a drunk shit in your house.

So your new out of town guest checks in on the Merc's I, Anonymous blog quite often?

There is no excuse for poop-smears. Padlock your bathroom and give this guy a litter box in the corner of the backyard.

It's time we established what numbers 3, 4, and 5 are.

wtf? I don't believe I've ever had my poop 'skid' on the bowl. What funky angle is her anus pointing at to power blast porcelain with her feces like that?!

I guess if you had a terribly prolapsed rectum hanging out like a busted cloaca it could potentially spray poop all over the place similar to a poorly controlled frosting bag.

The poop skid is a phenomenon of velocity times drag effect with a co-efficient by angle. The velocity is key here because it magnifies the drag effect. You yourself might not poop skid on your poorly designed but stylish "swan throat" toilet but Ed here, he comes to your house as unwitting guest and needing to shit after your sex in the city champagne breakfast is presented with this joke of a half- ass toilet and carefully plops down his left and right ass cheeks only to discover that the separation quotient of this particular Kohler does not meet the Krapper Consortium Universally Agreed Specifications for American Shitting Devices 1914 and his butt flaps do not have the minimum orbital distance to achieve rectal anonymity and anal gymbal lock is likely. Far past the poop abort stage Ed grips the edge of your shitty shitter and bears down for a crash landing of what should have been a smooth as silk splashdown butt for your stupidly vain choice of a toilet you mistakenly believe mirrors the egret like form of your school marm keister. The result is an ungainly thrust of exploded fecal matter into your adored porcelain bowl. The initial impact is thwarted by the sharp calculus of fluid dynamics but even before the critical mass of turd is expelled we have Skid which accumulates and clots to the porcelain in a grease attracted protein pile.

Now ask yourself whose fault is this really?