Sometimes when telemarketers call me I misrepresent myself in a super hick accent and tell them they have reached a pay phone. I know its a sin but I just want them to go away and not call back.
Here's to hoping it works.

So you're telling us you moved your entire life across the country to a creepy relatives house before fleeing to Portland, and that makes you different than all of the people who move here with absolutely no preparation?

How?

So you were able to afford to move to Portland all along, and were just mooching off your relative until you couldn't stand any more of his generous hospitality? How badly do you suppose he misses you guys? I'll bet he still prays for you, anyway. Are you independently wealthy or what line of work are you looking for in this town? Portland State University offers online courses in Conflict Resolution. A degree in that field might get you a job at Starbucks.

You'll be back home, living in your parents' basement, by mid-January.

We got those people here too.

Snuffyville? There's more outside-the-box thinking there than you'd imagine. They smoke weed in their meth pipes, and vice versa.

Yes Rich, it does sound like they came here on a jet - probably from the east coast with a layover or two, guessing from the distance and timing. Not sure of where you got the verb "drive" from, but we do have an airport here!

As for the actual rant - Welcome to Oregon! That storm we had a couple weeks ago? Yeah, we call that winter here, so get ready for a few straight months of that. I know, I know, it hella snows where you come from so rain will be an improvement. I'll be sure to remind you of that when you're packing up to go back to the snow in 3 or 4 months.

Oh noooooo you had the resources to move your presh asses somewhere across the continent. Gosh you're so oppressed!

This whole IAnon is just viral marketing for TLC's new hit show "Snuffyville, USA."