The only people more tedious than the ones that celebrate Valentine's Day seriously are the ones that have to make a big deal about how shitty it is.

You're not any less sad and alone tomorrow night as you are tonight, but at least you don't have to pony up for flowers.

I love being in love, and I'm fine being single. Today, as a single person, I get to binge watch all of House of Cards S2 straight through. There aren't many people who would be down for that as a couple. And if you were a parent? Not a chance.

I/A, my recommendation is to faceplant into a red velvet cake after work.

My boyfriend is spending the evening caring for his dying father. I ain't bitter, just glad he's a good son and person. It's just another stupid holiday, so feel free to ignore it.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.

People beat their meat on Valentine's Day,
and so should you.

first rule of Fist Club: SEX never really sucks

Weed and pizza delivery will be my valentine date tonight, and I'm pretty happy about that

Here's to hoping you get wedged between DILF's.

I like being alone, and coming home to no one.

I did buy some lubrication today, though.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Most poems rhyme
But this one doesn't

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Valentines Day wasn't
Sorry It was for you

If ever there was a made-up holiday with the sole purpose of getting people to spend money, Valentine's is it.

Don't let the bastards make you feel like a pathetic, lonely loser just because you aren't participating in their contrived, obligatory, festival of consumption.

I spent the day home alone making candles and watching movies. Great day:)

From 'Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley', by Al Franken:
"February 14th...Today, I will masturbate!"