Translates roughly to: "I want to find another boring townie like myself who enjoys hanging out with my family in the suburbs, eating at Sheri's, and complaining about light rail / taxes / minorities."

Then again, haven't you always wanted to bang a chick who's seen a Tom Peterson commercial?

Sounds like someone is striking out with the Portland "born and raised" ladies on OKCupid.

If I angry-blogged everytime I got rejected on that site, the editor for I,Anon would be working 100hrs/wk posting all my hate-filled rants.

I remember back in the day 39th Ave was 39th Ave, not Cesar Chavez Blvd, OHSU didn't have a tram, and Brandon Roy was killing it for the Blazers.

I'm a product of a decision I had absolutely nothing to do with and I'm too boring and risk-adverse to try living anywhere else. PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE ME, DAMNIT!

It is very common to put where you are from in a dating profile. It isn't a personal attack.

It is also very common to:
-Say you can't live without friends, family, oxygen, or chapstick
-Have no typical Friday night
-Love to travel
-Like all music but country and/or metal and/or rap
-Make a point of saying you won't admit something private on a dating site, rather than just not answering

Dear Braised in Portland, thank you for applying for a date with:
Go F*ck Yourself.

Unfortunately at this time your application was not accepted for reasons:
Go F*ck Yourself

If you would to try again for a date with:
Go F*ck Yourself
submit a date request and stand by.

Good luck!

"If you've never heard of Bumpity, we won't be bumpin' uglies."

GO HOME.

If it's a choice between that or "I came out here from Cincy to visit a friend three years ago and I just fell in love! I knew this is like my place!" I'm going with the former.

Everyone knows that in Portland the only location you should brag about being from on dating websites is Brooklyn(by way of Ohio and Connecticut suburbs), though you'll just leave Portland for LA in half a year anyhow...

My favorite thing to do is when someone starts complaining about transplants is to casually mention I just bought 'insert random album here' at Ozone. 9 times out of 10 they'll go along with it. If you want to pretend you were here before it was "cool" you're trying way too hard.

I once saw Benicio Del Toro at Ozone, when it was on 11th & W Burnside

Dude...with an attitude like that you're headed for a LOT of cockblocking...lighten up!

I used to go the Bluffs in the 80's when it was just my mom and my brother and me in summer as we'd watch the sunsets.

Something something midwest... something something bandwagon trailblazer fans... something something homogenization.

as a native portlander, i would like to welcome you to my fair city. now you can go f*ck yourself and go back to where you came from.