Comments

1
Thank God I never go to Starbuck's. If I was a regular there, self-aware, and read this post; I think I'd hang myself. Very true and very depressing.

Besides, their regular coffee is fucking disgusting. Same goes for Seattle's "Best."
2
Nobody is secretly judging you for having a mermaid logo on your cup, and if they are-- why are you concerned with their opinion? Oh, that's right: you're insecure.

You need your beverage loaded with some backstory about how it's grown by fourth-generation farmers, ground by hipsters, roasted by former graphic designers, delivered by cargo bike and brewed by an "artisan" using only the very latest and most pretentious method of pouring water on bean crumbs.

Shut up already, it's fucking coffee. You don't even really like the stuff, you just know you're expected to have an opinion about it. I hope Oprah co-opts every brand you "love" and plops it directly into the laps of uncool suburban soccer moms.
3
Oprah Coffee Enema Kush is great strain for insecurity.
4
8
5
The Pike's Place Starbucks logo is like the lamest of Celebrity topless photos.
6
There are really only two things I don't like about Starbucks. First of all, they bought out all the really cool coffee shops, such as Torrefazione Italia on NW 23rd, and the Coffee People chain, just so they could put them out of business and close down the stores. The other thing is, that I used to go into Starbucks, purchase an exorbitantly priced little pastry and a large hot water for my $100,00 per ounce, light Oolong Tea, from Taiwan, that I brought along with me. They were always confused by this, and eventually ran a radio ad making derogatory mention in a condescending tone, about "cutting edge tea."
7
I-hate-Starbucks people are hilarious.
8
Dread Uptown doesn't always drink Light Oolong Tea.

But when he does, it's some crappy Lipton's that a street merchant in Taiwan used to swindle him outta $100.
9
Correction: Read that $100.00 per pound. However, the real, championship tea sells at auction for $1,000.00 per pound. Now, I can tell $100.00 tea from $35.00 tea, but I'm really, hard pressed, to be able to tell the difference between hundred dollar tea, and thousand dollar tea. You only use a very small amount, about the size of a dime, for say eight one cup brewings of the same leaves, per day.

http://www.teafromtaiwan.com/shop/loose-tea/long-feng-xia

Long Feng Xia Oolong Tea

75 grams - US$31.00
150 grams - US$60.00
300 grams - US$118.00
600 grams - US$233.00

Spring 2014

Long Feng Xia oolong tea is a first grade tea from the Shan Ling Xi district. It is grown at an elevation of about 1800 meters in the Long Feng canyon of Shan Ling Xi Mountain. The area is enshrouded with fog throughout the day, making ideal conditions for producing oolong tea.

This spring tea is produced from the bud and two leaves of the tea plant which are hand picked and hand processed with a fermentation level of about 35%. It brews to an exceptionally smooth liquor with floral overtones.

Long Feng Xia oolong tea is rated as "ding ji" (world best) and is in great demand. Very little of this tea is available for export, so we are pleased to be able to offer Long Feng Xia oolong tea at this time.


http://www.tenren.com/wensanpouchong.html

Wen-Shan Royal Pouchong

Wen-Shan Royal Pouchong is TenRen's finest Pouchong tea. Wen Shan is a township in the Pinlin region in Northern Taiwan, which famous for producing the world's finest Pouchong tea. The hills in this region are often surrounded by fog and clouds all year round. This tea is available in a special stainless steel canister with the names of the tea masters who processed the tea on the seal. Net tea weight is 5.3 oz (150g). Shipping weight is 0.86 pounds.

CKT$65.00
10
Only use a small amount about the size of a dime, and only steep for about six seconds. If the tea turns dark, it's already too strong and will taste bitter. You can make about six to eight brews of the same leaves, but don't save the used leaves over night. Use fresh daily. One ounce of good tea can last quite a long time. The real enthusiasts carry around a small teapot in their coat pocket, but I just get two venti paper cups; one for brewing and the other to drink from.

The right way to do this is to first heat the pot with boiling hot water then dump the water down the drain. Next, rinse the tea for one second, and save the brew in the flower watering sprinkler to cool. Let the tea stand so that the leave can open, then steep in hot water for a few seconds.

Of course, you need to know how to select a high quality tea pot, too. Anybody want to hear how?
11
Note to self: Do not address comments @Dread Uptown. His responses are unsolicted and quite verbose.
12
Wow, the comment section here is more annoying than the letter itself. Shame on you, commenters!
13
Okay, that's asking for it:

First you look down at the tea pot and see if the spout and the handle are aligned with each other, and if the handle looks to be aligned vertically with the pot. Next, you grasp the tea pot and the lid by the handles. Then, you rotate the lid as it covers the top of the pot, to see how well the lid fits; how round the ridge and the hole both are. Finally, you tap the edge of the lid to side of the tea pot. Be careful not to strike the inner ridge of the lid which seals to the large opening in the top of the tea pot, because it's much softer and can easily break. The tone generated by striking the outer edge of the lid to the side of the tea pot should ring like metal. If it sounds dull and flat, trouble.
14
Do you know about hummingbirds too?
15
Look everyone colonel gave it an 8. I can finally sleep tonight.....
16
Considering that Starbucks has diversified into the music business, Hummingbirds aren't all that far afield.

The Hummingbird stands out strong and proud. Introduced in 1960 as Gibson’s first square-shouldered dreadnought, the Hummingbird arrived at the dawn of a new era in music, and was rapidly embraced by several prime movers on the scene. In the hands of everyone from Keith Richards to Gram Parsons, it quickly proved itself equally adept at folk, country and rock, and excelled at many of the crossovers genres in between that helped to set the scene for the ’60s.

Much of the Hummingbird’s appeal lies in its versatility. However you attack this flat-top, it pumps out rich, deep tones, and is equally at home thrumming out first-position chords as it is taking the spotlight for flatpicking leadlines further up the neck. Its spacious mahogany body and sweet, select Sitka spruce top are more than capable of nailing down the rhythm in the hands of a rock and roll sideman, or of accompanying the most nuanced performance under the fingers of today’s alternative singer-songwriter. Made in the image of the original, in Gibson’s acclaimed acoustic facility in Bozeman, MT, today’s Hummingbird lives up to its pedigree, bringing you all of these capabilities and more as, quite simply, one of the finest acoustic guitars available today.

Starting at $3,099.00

http://www2.gibson.com/Products/Acoustic-Instruments/Square-Shoulder/Gibson-Acoustic/Hummingbird.aspx
17
Dread Uptown strikes me as the kinda guy that, once he starts talking, you just walk away.

He'll just keep bloviating and won't even notice when you're gone. And if he does realize it, he's not even upset.
18
There is still one Coffee People location left that wasn't sold to Starbucks, but it's at the Portland International Airport, and you have to have a plane ticket to go through security to the gates to get there. It might almost be worth buying a one way ticket to Seattle, just to score a bag of Costa Rican, don't you agree?

Hello?

Hello?

Is anybody still here?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndL6m5vHVhw
19
I know you're still out there. I can see the dislikes.

Please wait...

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