Tell me about the pearl district again George.

Tell me about how they have compost fountains and ukuleles instead of grease traps and bucket drummers. Tell me again George.

Move?

I've lived in big cities my whole life. Yes, there's going to be noise. It's discretionary noise that's obnoxious. When someone chooses to be a noise polluter, that's a problem. Fuck that screaming dude, the bucket drummer, and the Cee-Lo blaster. Fuck 'em all.

Buses, ambulances, trains--those are part of the deal for urbanites. But garden-variety assholes do not get a pass just because they're in a city. Call them out, call the cops, throw things at them, whatever you want. Noise pollution is passive aggression. Returning fire is completely fair.

I've lived in big cities my whole life. Noise is part of the deal: sirens, buses, big trucks, trains, etc. What's obnoxious is discretionary noise. When someone chooses to be a noise polluter, that's a problem. Screaming dude, bucket drummer, and Cee-Lo blaster can all go fuck themselves. Assholes don't get a free pass just because they're in a city.

So call them out, call the cops, throw things at them, whatever it takes. Willful noise pollution is passive aggression, so returning fire is completely fair.

"Down on Sesame Street: A Memoir by O. T. Grouch"

I wouldn't suggest calling the cops. In this city, you're lucky if they DON'T show up.

But the urban planners tell me that in the future "everyone" will want to live in dense urban centers. Heh heh.

Whatever happened to the good old days when it was just a despondent fat man and his bedraggled accordion?

If there was a guy outside my apartment singing Cee-Lo that'd MAKE ME CRAAAAAAAZAY

Bedraggled.

Nice.

One thousand police officers in Portland, and not one of them could hear that noise for themselves?

I hear you blaring Cee-Lo from ur house, and I'm like fuck you, and, fuck your amp too-ooh!!!