Perhaps, behind you, out of your line of vision, there were two lithe young Portlanders having acrobatic sex atop a tall bike. Did you think to look? No, you just assumed someone was directing an epithet towards you. Boy, you possibly really missed a show!

Yeah! Stay the fuck out of the Pearl! Asshole bicyclist!

Yes, because obviously Californian transplants are the only ones who would ever complain about cyclists in this town. Yeah, that's the ticket...

The Pearl can eat a big FAT California dick for all I care.

As far as yelling at cyclists is concerned, it happens all over the city. I remember being yelled and spit at on my bike over 20 years ago (back east, not PDX). It's just ignorant and juvenile behavior. I love watching idiots getting pissed off because they're under the premise that I'm slowing them down. I even love it more when I ride up next to them at a light 2 miles down the road.

Having gone sans car for 6 years, I can truly appreciate how stressful driving can be. Riding a bike is a stress alleviator. The few times I have driven a car over the past 6 years, I instantly felt my blood pressure spike.

If you didn't want to loathe humankind, why did you go to the Pearl?

there are no humans in the pearl

Written by a true Portland native, of course (not).

Also, that fat comment wasn't really necessary. I hope hordes of fat people come to devour your skinny ass when the apocalypse hits us.

Where did the horseshit come into play? Did the fat Californian drop that too? Maybe it was from one of those lazy, loitering horses from an earlier post.

The PPB police horse barn aka "The Farm" is right next to the Pearl.

When I see horse apples on the street in the Pearl I half expect some crunchy empty-nester to rush over and start smearing 'em on their faces or dunking 'em in their lattes. So fresh! So local! So organic!

ONE WEIRD TRICK TO NOT BECOMING A LEATHERY BOTOXED HAG

I wonder if my ass looks bigg on my mower ........

Fun fact: Most of the cyclists I know in Portland are from California.