Don't swear off beer or cream and sugar or anything, just use it in moderation. If you exercise a lot (ie ride bike everywhere) you'll burn all that shit right off. It's not really food that makes you fat, it's the sedentary lifestyle so many live these days. And with that said, yes, do cancel Netflix. That shit is empty calories for the brain.

Twist: the real reason is MIDDLE AGE and you can't beat that. Your only hope is to move to Gresham and blend in.

This sounds like a job for Crystal Meth.

Blah blah blah... "Not enough exercise..."

Could've stopped right there. Step it up and you can still enjoy all the indulgences Portland has to offer.

I'd look like Jabba The Hut if I didn't bike so much.

If your ice cream is "fucking ice cream" I'm buying the wrong stuff.

Anyone else read this in the voice from Radiohead's "Fitter, Happier?"