GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! You got it down and you're well on your way to the top. But there's somethin' that you forgot. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

GUYS! Did you see the weekend debut of Beyonce's new "visual album" Lemonade? IT... WAS... AMAZING. (And note to self: Never, ever fuck with Beyonce.)


Want to know more about the also AMAZING poet Warsan Shire, featured on Lemonade? Check out this New Yorker article from 2015.

And not real... but maybe should be?


You can get Lemonade on iTunes, or Tidal... if you want to give Jay-Z some money, and I'm like, mmmmmmmm... I dunno?

Okay, here's some more, far less important, news:

The lawyers for hillbilly anarchist Ammon Bundy have what they consider to be an unbeatable defense for their client: The feds can't convict him because the government doesn't actually own the land he was inhabiting! (Yeah, let me know how that turns out for you.)

The CEO of tech giant Intel is saying that his own employees are making "threats" about the lack of diversity in the company. Nope, as a matter of fact, he's NOT going into any detail about what these so-called "threats" were.

In case you missed it, the Blazers fought back to clip the Clippers this weekend, winning their first game in the playoffs. Read our jubilant recap of the game here, and don't forget that game four continues tonight!

Ted Cruz and John Kasich are making deals with the devils (each other) to defeat Trump. Cruz has agreed to forfeit Oregon and New Mexico if Kasich gives him Indiana. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Cleveland, Ohio has agreed to pay the family of Tamir Rice—shot dead by a cop while holding a toy gun—$6 million to settle the lawsuit.

The White House is planning on releasing secret 9/11 documents that may implicate the Saudis in the attack.

Meanwhile, Obama is ordering 250 special forces soldiers into Syria to help the local militia take on ISIS.

Three marijuana farming operations have been found at the locations of the Ohio mass murders, which police are calling a "pre-planned execution."

Today in "WHOOPSY!": A Norwegian fighter jet accidentally machine guns a control tower.

Prince was cremated over the weekend, and results from the autopsy conducted on Friday may take weeks to be released.

Now let's look at the WEATHER up there: A cool week in the lower 60s lies ahead, with more dryness than wetness.

And finally, it's time for another episode of "Dr. Cat: Feline Dentist." Open up and say "Meow."