I knew the Portland Thorns would start their season with some surprises. A new coach, some great new additions to the team, mediocre uniforms, and the lack of a playoff position last year were bound to add up to something terrific, right? I just didn't expect such a unicorn of a record at the start of the season. Two Wins! 3 Draws! 0 Losses! That's a pretty satisfying record for a team that's been on the road so much—that's why in honor of this weekend's home game against the Washington Spirit, I will be adding some sound and movement effects to help convey my unharnessed excitement. DOUBLE CLAP SQUAT THRUST!
WELCOME TO PORTLAND
We have some new faces making magic for the Thorns this year, and this team's got some terrific chemistry right out of the gate. SHUTTLE PUNCH! Here are a few of my favorites: Oh, hello there ADRIANNA FRANCH who played in goal last year for the top women's league in Norway! (And who also led the league in saves for the Western New York Flash in 2013.) This addition, along with the already proven Michelle Betos and coached by our familiar favorite Nadine Angerer, means that the Thorns shouldn't be short on saves this year. SKY PUNCH HITCH KICK!
Speaking of defensive forces... THE THORNS ACQUIRED U.S. NATIONAL TEAM DEFENSIVE SUPER STAR MEGHAN KLINGENBERG. Who’s this Klingenberg, you ask? She’s just a 5’2 defender that started every single game for the UNITED STATES WOMEN’S NATIONAL TEAM during the FIFA women’s World Cup, and played every single minute of every single game. (#zeropeebreaks) Welcome to Portland, champ! DEFENSIVE FAN KICK!
WHERE ARE WE?
The Thorns are undefeated after five games—even after playing on the road for four of those matches. We're currently ranked third in the league with two wins, ZERO LOSSES, and 3 draws (draw = a tie). I know I already said that, I just thought it was worth repeating. TRIPLE FISTED PUNCH POP!
LAST WEEK’S GAME
The Thorns ended in a draw with the Reign FC in Seattle. JACK KNIFE DOUBLE KICK! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Not Portland Thorn Tobin Heath this past Saturday night against Seattle. Portland’s midfielder was on the receiving side of two yellow cards and an eventual one game suspension a few weeks ago during our match against the Washington Spirit.
COMING UP
Our next game is at home in Providence Park on Saturday May 21 at 7pm (get your tickets here). HASHTAG HALLELUJAH HIGH KICKS!! Thorns will host the number one team in the league—the Washington Spirit. I know the Thorns are eager to add more wins to their schedule, and playing at home with a full, healthy roster is sure to help. Stand by for my recap following the game, and go Thorns! DEEP LUNGES AND ROCK PUNCHES!
