GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Eyes bloodshot, stressin', chills up your spine. Sick to your stomach, wishing I wrote your rhymes. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Portland's had 11 homicides this year, the latest happening last night on SE 81st where a man was found shot to death in the street.

Oregon's "state finance victory chair" (AKA fund raiser) for Donald Trump, Gordon Sondland, is from Portland—and even HE isn't supporting Trump. (Our good friend Denis Theriault has the story.)

A big fight on Friday in the Oregon State Penitentiary that involved 150 inmates left one prisoner dead.

A viral video of Ashland cops violently taking down a suspect (who says he's autistic) is causing a big stink on social media.

American Katie Ledecky destroyed the competition to win gold in the 400m freestyle at the Rio Olympics. Meanwhile swimmer Michael Phelps wins his 19th gold medal (though everybody is far more interested in his "cupping marks"), and jerky Novak Djokovic (who I despise) gets his ass handed to him in tennis by Argentinian Juan Martín del Potro, so HA HA HA. Here's the events you should be looking out for today.

Russia's entire Paralympic team has been banned from the Paralympic Games for taking performance enhancing drugs.


Republican Evan McMullin is launching a late-start campaign to run against Donald Trump in the general election. Never heard of McMullin? Neither has anyone else.

Oh, so NOW Donald Trump endorses House Speaker Paul Ryan. (That may be because GOP bigwigs are putting pressure on the floundering candidate to get his shit straight—or risk losing a congressional majority.)

Green party candidate Jill Stein is making a push for die-hard Bernie Sanders supporters with her "Jill Not Hill" campaign strategy.

Republican dum-dum Marco Rubio says that women with the Zika virus should not be allowed to have abortions.

Now let's look up at the WEATHER outside: Partly sunny with decreasing showers and a high of 72—BUT! Check out this week which will get significantly sunnier and warmer by Friday!

And finally, all hail our dancing robot overlords!