GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! You treat me like a lady when you open doors (and doors), but then you want to front when you with your boys (your boys.) LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The Timbers took down Philadelphia Union 2-1, and are steadily marching toward the postseason. Check out all the deets from Blogtown's footy correspondent, Abe Asher and his recap!

In sad Timbers news...


That rainy weekend we had brought out the worst in drivers, causing four fatal car accidents within 12 hours.

The Green Buds Dispensary on Sandy was robbed last night, and police are looking for the suspects.

Twenty-nine people were injured in a bombing in Manhattan on Saturday, and police are searching for Ahmad Khan Rahami who allegedly made his bombs from pressure cookers, a mobile phone, and Christmas lights. More details here.

Meanwhile two more improvised bombs were detonated in New Jersey, police suspect these as well as the bomb in NYC may be linked. Sources say that up to five people have been taken into FBI custody.

An offshoot of ISIS is claiming responsibility for a man who stabbed nine people in a Minnesota mall, before being shot by an off-duty cop.

Naturally Donald Trump sees all this as the perfect opportunity to spread some more ignorance, and get his flailing presidential campaign to the point where it isn't a national laughing stock. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

Now that Donald Trump has finally given up on his stupid birther conspiracy theory leveled at President Obama, his most supportive political allies are making up a bunch of new lies to protect him.

Trump is also threatening to sue the New York Times for the crime of "irresponsible intent"—which isn't a real crime, at least according to the law.

The New Jersey "Bridgegate" trial—in which Chris Christie's people allegedly arranged for bridge lane closures as revenge against a mayor who refused to endorse the governor—starts today, and we're all waiting to see if Christie's staff will take the fall for the crime.

A black man was shot and killed by Tulsa, Oklahoma cops on Friday, and the victim's sister is claiming that he was unarmed.

According to reports, the recalled Samsung Galaxy exploding phone was allegedly rushed into production to beat the iPhone 7.

Game of Thrones won best drama series at the Emmys last night for the third year in a row, while Veep, Mr. Robot, and The People vs. OJ Simpson also had big nights.

And now, the WEATHER report: Drier cooler weather this week, with a high today of 70.

And finally, here is the way I'm approaching my work day. In other words, MOVE THE FAWK ASIDE, MOTHEREFFERS. WHOOOOO! WHOO! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!