...shoulder, however, was the angel that said that his mother had not consented to this practice (as though any mother would) and that he was victimizing her by making her feel unsafe in her own home. And of course, in the middle of both these shoulder angels was my stomach just completely turned in knots and screaming AGGGH GROSS.

True to the intent of our phone service, I simply listened to the young man's story without offering advice or commentary. But it's a few days later and I still don't know if I talked to a harmless kinkster in the throes of socially-conditioned shame or a Norman Bates waiting to happen. What do you think?

Still Questioning & Unsure If Child Kinkster Evidences Dangerousness

No one should be ashamed of their kinks. Kinks are nothing to be ashamed of, shame is a waste of time and mental energy, and it's not like shame is the cure—shame isn't chemo, i.e. it's not an unpleasant poison that attacks kink tumors. Someone's kink, whatever it is, will turn them on before a waste-of-time shame spiral and it's going to turn them on after a waste-of-time shame spiral. During, too, most likely.

But how we choose to explore and/or express our kinks? That matters—and that's where shame can come into play.

Take a young man who gets off on masturbating into women's underwear. That's nothing to be ashamed of. The young man can acquire some panties—ethically—and masturbate into them to his part's content. A young man who gets off on masturbating into his mother's underwear? That's a little dicier—because icky fucking ick—and he should definitely/immediately talk to someone about that. But even that young man can express even that icky kink in a way that he needn't be ashamed of.

God tear off my fingers, God slam my laptop shut, God drain my battery...

The young man can acquire some non-mom underpants ethically—Amazon, Goodwill, the abandoned bin at a laundromat—and pretend he's masturbating into mom's underpants. Or... icky fucking ick... he could maybe fish a pair of his actual mom's discarded underpants out of the trash and do what he needs to do and what he definitely/immediately needs to see a shrink about BUT he absolutely/positively must never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever tell his mother what he's doing. EVER.

Because telling mom—and his girlfriend—is not okay. Unless this young man's mom is as messed up as he is, she's not going to feel safe in her own underpants anymore—let alone her own house—and that's what your caller should be ashamed of. The kink, all by itself, isn't the shameful part. The way he's choosing to express it—and talk about it—is the shameful and the creepy and the fucked up and the selfish and the inconsiderate and the icky fucking ick part. This young man has definitely victimized his mother by sharing this disturbing information with her.

Finally, SQUICKED, here's hoping this young man's story was just that: a story. Maybe the idea turns him on, and he gets off on convincing some stranger that he's actually doing this. Or maybe he just gets off on freaking out people who work on suicide hotlines—also shameful, but far less squicky.