It’s the most wonderful time of the year, people: Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby Championships. The 12 best teams in the world (in the wooooooorld!) come together to scrap and shimmy their way to victory, and this year it's all happening in beautiful Portland, Oregon.
These skaters are some of the best amateur athletes you’ll see playing any sport, and they do it while jumping around and hitting each other ON ROLLER SKATES. Some of them make it look easy, but rest assured, it is not. You should have seen me play roller derby back in my day. *Insert footage of fawn slipping on ice* *Fast forward three years* *Insert footage of puppy confidently striding down hall, suddenly knocked over by a faster, more skilled puppy*
You’ve got 12 teams who’ll fight it out at this weekend tournament. On the first day, four teams will be knocked out of contention. On Saturday, things really get tense, as the top seeds get into the action, and the lower seeds from the first round try to claw past them. By the end of Saturday, the final four teams are in place for the third-place and first-place games that will take place on Sunday.
Last year, there was not a lot separating the top four teams. Rose City (YEAAAAAH, THAT’S US, PORTLAND!), Gotham (New York City), Victoria (Melbourne, Victoria, Australia), and London (the English one) finished the tournament in that order. It’s been a long year since, with some changes and transfers. Most notably, one of Rose City’s most formidable blockers, Serelson, moved to Australia to shore up what was already a terrifying Victoria defense. This year, a fifth team is knocking at the door. Angel City from Los Angeles is looking stronger than ever, with their only loss this year a 3-point affair with Victoria. That’s no small shakes.
Rose City's Wheels of Justice, our hometown heroines in purple, will face a tough road to hold on to their title and the Hydra trophy, after an unlikely and nearly miraculous series of wins in 2015 to topple Gotham after years of New York dominance. They’ll take on the winner of Texas (Austin) vs. Rat City (Seattle) on Saturday at 4 pm, and derby gods willing, verrrry likely Victoria at 8:30 Saturday night for the chance to defend their title on Sunday.
New to derby? The person with the starred helmet cover gets points for their team by lapping opposing skaters. That’s it. You can follow that. Jammers score, and blockers try to help their jammer while stopping the other one. Of course, they’re allowed to hit each other within the confines of the rules. (And sometimes players get sent to the penalty box for 30-second stints.) Keep an eye on Rose City’s own Scald Eagle, darling of the derby world for her combination of brute strength and exacting skill, dart her way through the crowds and, we hope, rack up the points while doing it.
Get down to the Memorial Coliseum and see a game already! If you’ve been meaning to check out roller derby, this is the time to do it. General admission tickets are still available for the weekend, a day, or a hot, hot night of roller derby action.
