Hello! Did you watch last night's episode of The Walking Dead? Are you hungry for a dog food sandwich? Just curious! Meet me after the jump for some spoiler-filled recap of the latest WD episode, and some hard core chitty-chitty-chatting! LET'S DO THIS!

Im pretty sure this motorcycle makes me look cooler, and my face scars less visible.
"I'm pretty sure this motorcycle makes me look cooler, and my face scars less visible." Courtesy AMC

Here's what I'm thinking about this week's episode, "The Cell."

1) Ya gotta admit: Things are pretty SAH-WEET for Scarface Dwight, who, as one of Negan's top lieutenants has pretty much the run of the place. He can watch old episodes of Who's the Boss—which they should remake with Negan as Tony Danza—play games of Nok-Hockey, and steal whatever he wants from the garden/bakery to make a sandwich that most Portland food carts would envy. Of course, he has to kneel whenever Negan walks by, and just outside the door there's a bunch of gross zombies on stakes guarding the compound... but, c'mon guys! SANDWICHES!

2) Unfortunately for Daryl, his sandwich is made out of dog food, which he has to eat while sitting naked in a cold concrete cell. But on the upside, they play really peppy music! 24 hours a day! So he can't get any sleep... and ummm. Yeah, so not so great. But! They're not forcing him to watch Who's the Boss, so there's that.

3) Later he's taken to the compound doctor, where he runs into Sherry—who helped Scarface Dwight steal Daryl's cool motorcycle last season, remember that? Obviously something went down between these two love birds, because she isn't with Scarface anymore... but who cares, there's a dog food sandwich waiting for Daryl back in his cell.

4) Scarface takes Daryl to visit Negan who offers him a pretty sweet deal: A new job as a lieutenant, delicious sandwiches (not dog food) every day, any woman he wants, and unlimited VCR episodes of Who's the Boss. Negan also overshares what happened between Scarface and Sherry: When they returned Negan was about to kill him, but super hot Sherry agreed to marry Negan if he spared Scarface's life. Negan was like, "Okay, I'll just stick this hot iron on Dwight's face, and we'll call it even." (Is it just me, or is Negan really rubbing this in?)

5) Because he is such a brown-noser, Scarface Dwight volunteers to chase down a deserter (fucking up Daryl's bike in the process, BOOOOO!), and when he finds him the guy begs for death rather than return to Negan. Eventually Scarface shoots the poor schlub in the back—but instead of just letting him zombify there on the spot, he returns him to the compound to join the other zombie security squad! That's fucked up, Dwight.

6) Meanwhile, somebody accidentally left Daryl's cell door unlocked, so he decides to make a run for it. Sherry stumbles on to him, and warns Daryl that things will only be worse for him if he gets caught—but maybe she's just worried that Negan will want to marry Daryl instead of her? Don't laugh... Daryl cleans up reeeeeeeal niiiiiice. ANYWAY. Daryl is lured outside by the siren song of a bunch of cool-ass motorcycles—who could resist that?—and is caught by Negan and the henchmen. But instead of smashing his noggin in with Lucille, Negan takes pity on Daryl—even when he refuses to answer "Who are you?" with "I am Negan." And by pity, I mean that Negan's guards beat the snot out of him and throw him back into his cell. And he's not even offered a dog food canapé!

7) Scarface Dwight learns why Daryl refuses to kneel or play ball with Negan: His guilt is too great because of what happened to Glenn and G.I. Ginger, and his allegiance to the people of Alexandria is too strong. This makes Dwight feel especially crappy, since he's given up everything to serve a real butthole like Negan. This must be exactly how Judith Light feels around Tony Danza. (Psst. Who's the Boss reference.)

8) AND THAT IS THAT. What did you think about that episode? Personally I'm pretty "mehhhhhh" about the last two episodes, and am not really looking forward to Negan moving on to Alexandria next week. Also, am I crazy or do dog food sandwiches not sound all that bad? I mean compared to a baseball bat to the brain. Do you think if I were Negan's prisoner he'd be okay with serving me a dog food sandwich on gluten-free bread? I'm trying to watch my weight. I'm getting off-point, aren't I? OKAY! Thank you for reading, leave your opinions about last night's episode, and I'll see you next week!