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Bless me Dan, for I have sinned... I slept with a Trump supporter.

A little background. I’m a cis female whose 25-year relationship ended a year ago. It’s been three 3 years since I last got laid. I’ve put on a lot a weight since the breakup, and the idea of taking my clothes off in front of a stranger or having sex with someone who didn’t really fancy me did not appeal to me. I was seriously wondering if I had had sex for the last time. But heading back to my home town for business, I took the opportunity to hook up with a man who has fancied me for 30 years. We know each really well, and we could just be be relaxed together. The first time we had sex was physically awkward and unsatisfying, but friendly and funny and comfortable, so when he suggested coming over to share a pizza, I was happy to give it another go.

But during dinner he kept telling me about Trump, his good qualities, his superiority as a world leader to Clinton, and then he started quoting Scott Adams. I kept trying to change the subject, to no avail. I wanted to say “If you don’t shut up, I’m not going to sleep with you!” without actually saying it. Eventually he did shut up, and we had a nice, bouncy time; this time I came and then slept like a baby. (Aside: sharing a pizza is a better pre-sex meal than gumbo.)

But now I feel remorse. Have I broken some primal rule? By way of mitigation, I should mention that we are not in the USA and neither of us are citizens so we can’t vote in the election. Either way, I still feel a bit grubby. On the up side, it turns out I can do the hookup and fuck buddy thing, so I’ve learned something about myself.

Can You Forgive?

I once slept with a supporter of Silvio Berlusconi, CYF, and I've lusted in my heart after a man who voted for Brexit. By way of mitigation, I couldn't understand most of what the hot Berlusconi supporter/apologist was saying to me, and the Brexit-backing object of my lust is a straight exhibitionist I've never actually met and am unlikely to ever lay eyes on, much less lay with. (He's got a hot body and an eye-popping Instagram account that he'd doesn't want me to link—and, yes, I asked.) So let's make a deal: You absolve me of my sins, CYF, I'll absolve you of yours.

And speaking of Trump supporters...

I have read and loved your column for years. You've taught me a great deal about treating others as adults, about responding to our partners in a calm and rational way, about communication, and about having patience with your partner as part of a healthy relationship. However. I just read your advice to Struggling After Debate.

This was not good advice for someone in her situation. In her description, she lists her husband as a true contrarian. She points out that she is not fighting fair and that she has been calling him names. She doesn't list him being abusive. The two points she lists is that he finds humor in all this, and that he supports Trump and spouts Hillary conspiracy theories. She even points out that she's being a bad partner! And yet, after that, you jump directly on him for supporting the wrong candidate and I'm still trying to fathom why you would say this.

THEN YOU TOLD A WOMAN TO LEAVE HER HUSBAND OVER A POLITICAL ARGUMENT! WHAT THE HELL, DAN?

She knows she's not fighting fair, and while he's supporting a horrible bigot, this was by far the wrong answer. As intelligent, open-minded, and socially-progressive people it is our creed and our responsibility to show people the right way to treat others. Contrarian or no, humorous or no, encouraging fighting and then ending a marriage instead of encouraging open and honest communication is WRONG. And you know it.

If I wanted close-minded anger over what we know is ultimately a non-issue, Dan, I'd listen to Orange Hitler. You are far better than that.

Struggling After Dan Destructively Erroneous Response

Let's go to the transcript...

Personally, SAD, I wouldn't be able to climb into bed with someone who was planning to vote for Donald Trump. I would be out the door. But if you can't leave because you love him despite his moral and political bankruptcy, or because leaving isn't an option for you financially, avoid the subject for the next three weeks, don't take whatever bait your husband throws out, and try not to gloat too much when Hillary hands Donald his ass on November 8.

So, yeah, no. I didn't tell SAD to leave her husband, SADDER. I told SAD I would leave him if he were my husband ("I" statements!), which he's not (thank god!), before pivoting to some practical/obvious advice intended to deliver SAD's marriage safely through the final weeks/days of this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad election (avoid the subject, don't take the bait) as well as some advice for how SAD should comport herself (no gloating) after her husband's preferred candidate loses the election next Tuesday (please, God) in an historic landslide (pretty please, God). My advice, if followed, could very well save SAD's marriage.

And I'm sorry, SADDER, but Donald Trump's racism and xenophobia, his sexism and homophobia, his alleged sexual assaults, his incitements to violence, his repeated threats to jail his political opponent, his attacks on the media, etc., etc., etc., are not "ultimately a non-issue." They are the issue. As Andrew Sullivan wrote today for New York Magazine...

Anyone paying attention knew this before he conquered the Republican Party. Look at what has happened since then. He sees the judicial system as entirely subordinate to his political and personal interests, and impugned a federal judge for his ethnicity. He has accused the Justice Department and FBI of a criminal conspiracy to protect Hillary Clinton. He has refused to accept in advance the results of any election in which he loses. He has openly argued for government persecution of newspapers that oppose him — pledging to open up antitrust prosecution against the Washington Post, for example. He is the first candidate in American history to subject the press pool to mob hatred—“disgusting, disgusting people”—and anti-Semitic poison from his foulest supporters. He is the first candidate in American history to pledge to imprison his election opponent if he wins power. He has mused about using nuclear weapons in regional wars. He has celebrated police powers that openly deploy racial profiling. His favorite foreign leader is a man who murders journalists, commits war crimes, uses xenophobia and warfare to cement his political standing, and believes in the dismemberment of both NATO and the European Union. Nor has he rejected any of his most odious promises during the primary—from torturing prisoners “even if it doesn’t work” to murdering the innocent family members of terror suspects to rounding up several million noncitizens to declaring war on an entire religion, proposing to create a database to monitor its adherents and bar most from entering the country.

We are told we cannot use the term fascist to describe this. I’m at a loss to find a more accurate alternative.

"A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel," somebody or other once said. You're the perfect illustration of that quip (of Robert Frost's), SADDER. Liberals and progressives and sane conservatives are engaged in a fight to stop a fascist wannabe dictator from coming to power in this country—we're fighting to save our country—and you're tone policing a sex-advice columnist. Five days before the election—five days before this election—you're quarreling with me about a column I wrote three weeks ago?

Fuck you, dude.

African American voters are being purged from the rolls in one swing state, the Trump campaign has launched illegal voter-intimidation efforts in other swing states, polling places have been shut down in minority communities throughout the South, there's evidence the FBI is openly colluding with the Trump campaign to swing the election... and your chief concern right now is that I'm not being the change you want to see in the world.

Fuuuuuuuuck you, dude.

I'm all for "open and honest communication," SADDER. But "Donald Trump is a fascist," "This isn't fucking funny anymore," and "I'm leaving you if you vote for this monster" are sentiments that can and sometimes must be communicated openly, honestly, impatiently, and bluntly. Sometimes intelligent, open-minded, and socially-progressive people have to stand up and fight—and this is one of those times. Because this isn't just another run-of-the-mill "political argument," SADDER. This is an extinction-level event. Pull your head out of your ass.