I can only imagine that the Walking Dead writers are giggling themselves to sleep over Trump's victory—if only because of the comparisons that will be drawn between the show's bad guy/dictator Negan, and our loathsome president-elect. BUT I'M NOT PLAYING INTO THAT NARRATIVE, Y'ALL! I'm just going to call this recap as I see it (with tons of SPOILERS, so look out), and absolutely zero Negan/Trump comparisons. Okay, maybe just a couple. But at worst, "a few." Hit the jump for my recap of last night's episode!
Here's what I'm thinking about last night's episode, "Service."
1) The episode opens with Michonne sneaking out of her and Rick's comfy bed—enjoy it while you got it—to practice shooting a rifle (probably for assassination purposes). She is TERRIBLE at it, and kills a deer instead. Sorry Bambi, but at least your death will not be in vain, as we shall see later, because KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! Negan has arrived at Alexandria to deliver his inauguration address. (Damn it. Comparison #1.)
2) Negan lets the residents know that he plans on taking half of everything they have (including all their comfy mattresses)... but important note: Half is whatever he says it is. Even worse, he makes Rick carry around Lucille the bat for him. On the upside, creepy Rev. McChickenshit makes a sweet save by convincing Negan that Maggie is dead and buried, so the bat-wielding bastard won't take her along with their mattresses and guns. I still don't like that guy... at all.
3) A problem erupts when the gun armory's system of accounting for every firearm comes up two short. Negan does not like that at all, and threatens to murder Alexandria's gun accountant unless they show up. Rick begs the townsfolk to give up the missing weapons, but since no one knows where they are, they give the side-eye to the two missing members... Rosita and that dumbshit Spencer who fucked up SO MANY THINGS last season.
4) Cut to Rosita and Spencer who have been sent on a mission to retrieve Daryl's motorcycle for Negan's flunkie Scarface. (He later tries to tempt Daryl over to the dark side using the hog, but D doesn't go for it. Even though it is a sweet ride.) Rosita sees some Savior zombies, dispatches them, and takes one of their guns, which unfortunately is empty. OH! Which reminds me that Carls Jr. is very STOOPID, and pulled the bonehead move of the episode by pointing a gun at Negan. Naturally he is unsuccessful in killing him, and yet doesn't get his brain bashed in by Negan—possibly because he knows if he kills the wrong Alexandrians it would be an all-out war?
5) After turning over his apartment, Rick finds Spencer's hidden guns in the exact place I use to hide my cigarettes when I was a kid—in the air conditioning vent. He hands them over as well as Michonne's rifle—which didn't even belong to Alexandria! SAD! UNFAIR! (Crap... that was comparison #2.) But Rick asks for one favor from Negan: the safe return of Daryl. Naturally he refuses, but does offer this rather graphic bon mot: "In case you haven't caught on, I just slid my dick down your throat... and you thanked me for it." By the way, did you guys watch HUMP this weekend? Sometimes you do thank people for sliding their dick down your throat. Because it's fun. So maybe the Walking Dead writers might want to choose a different, not so homophobic insult next time?
6) Anyway! Negan leaves—finally!—and Rick acts all tough guy with Spencer about the missing guns... but explains to Michonne the reason he's doing exactly what Negan is asking: He knows that his daughter Judith is actually his old buddy/enemy Shane's kid, and yet he's sworn to protect her no matter the cost. That reasoning my ultimately fly with some of the Alexandrians—but not Rosita who asks Elvis to make her a bullet to fit her empty gun. DUNH-DUNH-DUUUUUUUNHHH! (You're right... not that exciting.)
7) And that was the end of that! So what did you think of this episode? For a 90-minute long show, it didn't reveal a lot that we didn't already know or suspect, except maybe for the Baby Judith revelation... which made me go "ho-hum." Though it is interesting that Negan is being very selective about who he kills—which may indicate his dictatorship isn't as rock solid as he thinks. SO PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT, TRUMP! (Dang it... #3 comparison... but I don't give a crap! PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT, TRUMP!) See ya next week!
