A few weeks ago, my live-in boyfriend (let's call him James) sat down next to me after a particularly stressful week of grad school and said "I have a hard question. A former sex partner (let's call her Allison) wants to have sex with me. Or us." I broke. I felt threatened. I felt inadequate, I felt body shame, and I wanted to run away from our relationship. James spent the evening consoling me.
I heard your voice in my head and realized how ridiculous I was being about the whole thing. I've always wanted to be in a threesome, but I've been too intimidated. To top it off, I require BDSM elements for arousal, and have difficulty being aroused outside of (at least the possibility of) a long term relationship. So I don't just need a unicorn- I need a unicorn...
Two weeks later, we welcomed Allison into our home. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. We abducted her, suspended her, and made some of her wildest fantasies come true. She returned the favor by helping James abduct me. Thanks to her small hands and determination, I was able to experience fisting for the first time. We were damsels in distress together, fulfilling a fantasy I've had for decades. Sex with James alone is mind blowing, but having Allison there really magnified my pleasure. Twice the people to serve! Twice the hands to tie me up and torture me! And a rare glimpse onto the other side of the hood, which was illuminating... I ended the weekend feeling serene, fulfilled, and secure. Our special guest star was similarly satisfied, and we are already planning another weekend together!
Thank you so much for helping me wrap my mind around monogamy, Dan. Being attracted to other people does not pose a threat to a healthy relationship. And thank you for drilling the phrase "special guest star" into my head. This allowed me to put myself in a hosting role, embodying generosity, grace, and care to the guest's needs - all good qualities in a scene, too!
Thankful for Helpful Advice and Naughty Kinky Sex
Thanksgiving is about eating away our sorrows and feuding with relatives about the Dakota Access Pipeline, THANKS, but it's also about giving - well, thanks. It's great you've opened up to incorporating this special guest star into your relationship and that the experience has been rewarding. Emotions like fear and jealousy suck but you can work through them so you can suck/fuck/fist in new and exciting ways. Cheers to you, THANKS! If your Thanksgiving is less than enjoyable, schedule some time with your new special guest star and tie and torture each other to your heart's content.
Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.
