GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Don't need no hateration, holleratin' in this dance for me. Let's get it percolatin', while you're waiting so just dance for me. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Coach Mark Helfrich has been fired by the Oregon Ducks after four seasons. This story is of interest to those with an interest in football, and would otherwise not be mentioned, so enjoy.

U.S. marshals describe why they took down and Tased Ammon Bundy's lawyer Marcus Mumford during that crazy court case back in October, which now seems like a lifetime ago. Do I look older? I feel older.

Donald Trump announces that he is leaving all his businesses to avoid the obvious conflicts of interest we've been yelling about for the past couple weeks—and so begins the steady and sure decline to becoming what he promised his stupid voters he would never be: a politician. But who knows? He's probably lying again.

New legislation going through congress would allow intelligence services to combat Russia's influence in our election process, such as planting fake news stories and hacking the emails that helped Trump get elected. Wonder how Trump will feel about that?

Steven Mnuchin, a Goldman Sachs exec who bought a bank during the recession and then foreclosed on the mortgages of its customers, is going to probably be... guess what... Trump's treasury secretary. Every day I say "wow"—and I'm saying it again. Wow.

Trump tried to distract America from the above news by tweeting something stupid about imprisoning flag burners, but that didn't work, because we read the above news.

Trump had dinner with former foe and possible Secretary of State Mitt Romney who only had glowing things to say about Trump, after previously claiming he would lead America to disaster. Huh. Wonder what changed?


He also met with former Vice President Dan Quayle?? Dear god, make it stop.

Thousands of protesters fighting for a minimum wage increase have started marching in American cities.

Fires are raging through the Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee, burning tourist towns and even threatening Dolly Parton's Dollywood.

Today in "Sexy": "Air France workers found guilty of tearing off bosses' shirts."

Uggh. Just take me to the WEATHER: On and off showers today, high of 50.

And finally, this stupid baby eating spaghetti is the perfect video metaphor for what Trump will do to this country. Stupid baby.