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From the bloated, festering, maggot-shitting corpse that is 2016, something good and pure and beautiful has, at last, wriggled free and burst forth: It is the title of the eighth chapter in our beloved Fast and Furious saga, and it is—naturally, because how could it possibly be anything else—The Fate of the Furious.

Even though I already told you this amazing news in the headline (you're welcome), I think you should still watch this video, as it will make your day infinity times better and fill your heart with a wondrous and inspiring kind of joy.

WOO INDEED. Yes, that is Charlize Theron as possibly villainous "Cipher"; yes, that is the Rock inviting you to play; yes, those are snowmobiles and some kind of motherfucking snow tank; yes, that's Michelle Rodriguez's Letty, like a goddamn boss; yes, we'll probably have to wait until Sunday's trailer (if not the film itself) to see what brilliant part Helen Mirren is playing in all of this.

The Fate of the Furious, directed by Straight Outta Compton's F. Gary Gray and written by F&F stalwart Chris Morgan, does not come out until August of 2017, which is an eternity away—but I beg you, break your chains of despair! If nothing else, waiting so long to discover The Fate of the Furious will doubtless provide each of us with a bright and shining beacon to guide us though these dark days.

Anyways I'd love to stay here with you but I just remembered seven things I've got to do today. GOODBYE

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