There's been a contentious debate at the Mercury about Christmas music. I'm here to deliver you the truth—these are the five best Christmas songs.

5. Johnny Cash - "Little Gray Donkey"

Jesus and his birthday may be the reason for the season, but I usually tend to stick to secular Christmas tunes. One exception is Johnny Cash's "Little Gray Donkey" from his 1980 record Classic Christmas. It's an ode to the "blessed little donkey" who carried the Virgin Mary and her holy belly all the way to Bethlehem, and it's supremely weird. Between repetitions of the song's hymnal, eery chorus, he explains the homely little animal's underappreciated role in the birth of Jesus. It's hard to beat Cash's inimitably gravelly voice, especially when he's singing about a donkey.

4. The Beach Boys - "The Man with All the Toys"

UGH, I love this song, but UGH, its title makes it sound so creepy. The Beach Boys' Christmas Album (1964) features 12 sun-warped yuletide ditties, and despite its name, I think "The Man with All the Toys" is the best one. It's very short, but manages to embody everything that makes the Beach Boys so great in less than two minutes, particularly those honeyed harmonies that stretch across syllables like salt water taffy stuck to your teeth. It'll always remind me of my childhood Christmases spent in sunny California.

3. Loretta Lynn - "Country Christmas"

There's something about the title track from Loretta Lynn's 1966 album Country Christmas that feels snuggly and toasty warm. Over a bumbling honky tonk guitar melody, Lynn describes holiday rituals like she's pulling you into her home, sitting you down by a crackling fire, and feeding you too much. But it's her distinct drawl that makes the song, especially when she promises that "We'll have a good old country Christmas, alright." "To Heck with Ole Santa Claus" is another hit from Country Christmas—after being stiffed by Santa the year before, Lynn sings "I like to hit him in his (ho ho ho) with a bunch of big snowballs."

2. The Killers - "Joseph, Better You Than Me"

Elton John. Neil Tennant. Brandon Flowers. These three musicians came together in 2008 to create "Joseph, Better You Than Me"—a piece of music so beautiful and majestic, I'd say it's the bald eagle of Christmas songs. Throughout, the trio ruminates on the hardships Jesus' human father Joseph must have endured on that long road to Bethlehem, wondering how he coped with the fame and if he'd ever missed his carpenter shop. "You're a maker, a creator," Tennant sings, "Not just somebody's dad." At the song's climax, they belt "Better you than me" with explosive bombast, like three kingly dudes who brought fireworks to a baby shower.

1. Dolly Parton - "Hard Candy Christmas"

I've written about Dolly Parton's performance of "Hard Candy Christmas" in her 1982 film The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas waaaaay too much (both here and here, I'm out of control), but here I go again. It's forever my favorite Christmas song, because it vividly reflects both the despair of another year gone by and the giddiness of considering the future's limitless possibilities ("Maybe I'll settle down/Maybe I'll just leave town"). Against the melancholy whine of a pedal steel guitar, Parton stubbornly pushes through dark times with gritty endurance and blinding sunshine.