I'm a straight cis dude in my early 30s hoping to find someone with whom to settle down. I've spent the past few years in short- to medium-term relationships looking for "the one" (or "the 0.64"). Some might say I've been pretty picky trying to find someone who checks all of my boxes.
There's a woman with whom I've been friends for a couple years and with whom I get along with extremely well. She's smart, funny, ambitious and beautiful. We click better than anyone I've dated, and we have very similar values. I think there's a good chance there's mutual attraction as well. Nothing more-than-flirtatious has ever happened though, as we've never been single at the same timeâuntil now. She just got out of her most recent relationship and now I find myself thinking about whether to try turning this friendship into...
While it feels stupid and shallow, the one thing causing me to hesitate is that I'm fairly breast-obsessed and she's not particularly well-endowed in that department. As fetishes go, a breast fixation seems pretty common, even boring, but it seems to run pretty deep for me. I've had multiple girlfriends express surprise/appreciation for just how much I've enjoyed their breasts (as compared to past boyfriends), and most of the porn I watch is very breast-focused. I'm not obsessed with huge breasts, just something average or aboveâenough to play with and enough that cleavage is an option (as that seems to be a big part of the turn-on).
My question: To what extent does this matter long-term? Is this something I'll get over if I'm sufficiently invested in the person? Will I find myself missing having access to boobs? (An open relationship/etc isn't an option.) Secondly, would telling a smaller-chested partner about my breast interest be likely to make them feel bad or self-conscious? If so would that mean I'd have to somehow keep this part of myself secret from them forever? Should I try making this relationship something more substantial, or leave the friendship intact and keep dating other women?
Being Really Emphatic About Sufficient Tit Size
Like I told someone else about "The One" recently...
Remember, OTF, there is no "the one." There's no perfect person, no perfect person for you, no perfect match, no perfect fit, no perfect lid for your perfect pot, etc. You'll meet a .64 or two if you're luckyâif you're really lucky you might even meet a .72âand it's your job to round that motherfucker up to one. It's easy to convince ourselves early in a relationship that we've stumbled over a .92 or a .97 or even a 1.00, i.e. someone who it's either easy to round up or who doesn't require rounding up, but a few years inâno later than six years inâwe can clearly see those .92s for the .64s they are and always were.
I've been talking about non-existent "The Ones" and actually obtainable/doable/marryable ".64s" for a long, long time. (Look at how black my hair was!) Glad to see it's sinking in.
But before we determine if this woman is the .64 you could round the fuck up to one, BREASTS, I have a two concerns: She's only recently single and she hasn't demonstrated any interest in you... and there you are, BREASTS, debating whether your preference for/love of large breasts could ruin this relationship. So, yeah. Seems to me like you're putting the cart before the horse. (I wish there was a sexy version of that cart-before-the-horse aphorism. Putting the swallow before the blow? The aftercare before the flogging? The dick in the butt before applying the lube to the dick? Get to work on it, people.)
But let's game this out. Does a woman lacking the breasts you wank to drop her below .64 on your personal scale? Perhaps. But if you're capable of appreciating her body as-is, BREASTS, if big boobs are nice but not essential, her small breasts may knock off a few points. And you cite lots of things that drive her points back up: she's "smart, funny, ambitious and beautiful" (we should all be so lucky to have partners we can describe that way) and you two have "very similar values" (ditto). So, hey, maybe once she's ready and not reeling from her breakup, BREASTS, ask this girl on a date.
Maybe she'll say yes and everything will work out and you two will spend the rest of your lives together and you'll make sure she knows you love her body as-is and she'll be mature enough to accept that you like her body type and other body types too and she won't freak out when she stumbles over your porn browser history and who knows? Maybe you two will have a baby someday and she'll suddenly have big boobs. It could happen. Or maybe she'll say yes and you'll date for a few weeks or months before realizing, nope, you're not a match and her breasts weren't the issue and you'll part on good terms. Or maybe she'll say "Thanks but no thanks, BREASTS, I'm not interested in you that way" and you won't have to worry about the crossing the boobicon or whatever. (Sorryâit's late here.) There are so many steps to take before it's time to worry about whether you need to end a relationship you're not actually in because boobs.
Our sexual interests can evolve based on our partners, BREASTS. A girl you're really into could be really into sucking your toes and thenâbam!âyou develop a thing for feet. And then there's this sometimes disputed evolutionary theory:
Whereas most primates have a great view of the female's reproductive organs, particularly the fatty deposits on their butts, humans look more at the top half of each another's bodies. As a result, evolution gave women fatty deposits on their chests that resemble the buttocks, exciting males so they would still want to get it on.
Wasn't it nice of evolution to give us that? Breasts look butts! So, hey, if your future girlfriend doesn't have the kind of cleavage you like on the top half of the front of her body, BREASTS, turn her over and enjoy the original cleavage on the lower half of the backside of her body.
