The annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is going down February 22-25 in National Harbor, Maryland—and DO YOU HAVE YOUR TICKETS YET? No? Well perhaps you just don't know enough about this conference which is designed for hard-right conservatives, alt-right snowflakes, lipstick-wearing gun nuts, the proudly deplorable, and cardboard cut-out saluting Trump supporters. Featuring a poop-ton of conservative speakers including the Trump administration, Sen. Ted Cruz, Gov. Scott Walker, Fox News celeb (and Trump crush #1) Sean Hannity, General Mike Flynn, Milo Yiannopoulos, and many more primarily white people, CPAC is the only conservative leadership conference you need to help overthrow the 2,864,974 voters who helped Hillary Clinton win the popular vote.
STILL NOT CONVINCED? Then check out just a few of the many (and absolutely 100 percent REAL) seminars you can attend this coming week at CPAC:
"A Conversation with Reince Priebus and Steve Bannon" (In which the two will probably argue over who is the actual president of the United States.)
"The Popular Vote—Does it Matter & What You Can Do About It" (Guys! The popular vote is EMBARRASSING for those of us who actually control the country. Majority rule is for suckers.)
"Banning Poor People from Jobs" (Wait... most conservative supporters are poor? Never mind.)
"Black Lives Matter, So Why Does the Left Not Support Law Enforcement?" (See what we did there? That's called a "pivot." You'll learn all sorts of things at this conference!)
"Book Signing: Michael Medved The American Miracle: Divine Providence in the Rise of the Republic" (True story: I once sat next to Michael Medved in a movie, and he spent the entire time loudly eating an apple and farting.)
"How to Become a Conservative Journalist" (Because we must remove bias from journalism!)
"Book Signing: Matt Margolis The Worst President in History: The Legacy of Barack Obama" (The only problem with this book is that the title is too subtle.)
"Facts, Not Feelings: Snowflakes, Safe Spaces and Trigger Warnings" (Don't worry! The subject of "libtards" will also be discussed.)
"Book Signing: Joe Messina Ramblings of a Right Wing, Bible Thumping, White Guy" (Did we leave anything out? You know, other than "racist" and "misogynist"?)
There's also this seminar... but rather than comment, I'm just going to leave this one right here.
And my absolute favorite seminar of all...
True, there's no such thing as God or heaven, but this seminar title makes a good point—why should the right allow immigrants into our country, when God will be sending all racist conservative a-holes straight to hell? IT AIN'T FAIR!
You can see all the seminars here, BUT WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Get your tickets to CPAC right now and right here. Because as bad as it currently is, CPAC is committed to making America just a little bit WORSE.
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