One of these things is not like the other...
One of these things is not like the other...

Have you been able to catch your breath? Are you up to date on The Handmaid’s Tale or The Leftovers? Have you watched all of Dear White People yet? What about Feud? It’s okay, girl. Don’t get overwhelmed. I’m behind, too. This has been a busy period of streaming TV, and it’s getting more insane with the quickly approaching summer season. (You haven’t been dreaming. That’s sun you’ve been seeing, Seattle.)

This week’s a great chance to catch up on the shows you’ve snoozed on, but Netflix has got you with two season releases if you’re looking for something new. Sense8 finally returns with its second season and The Last Kingdom, a new BBC import, also hits Netflix with a second season. Too brain dead to jump into the lush worlds of Sense8 and The Last Kingdom? Then I’m tentatively suggesting you try Fire Island, Logo’s gay Jersey Shore. Since RuPaul’s Drag Race migrated to VH1, Fire Island is Logo’s show pony, and if you have a soft spot for the vain and hypocritical, it’ll be your new guilty pleasure.

Fire Island
(Logo)

Knot all choices are created equal.
Knot all choices are created equal.

I knew I couldn’t escape Fire Island. There would be a week when substantial, artful TV failed to capture the smart parts of my brain, and the rosé-loving person in me who sometimes googles “what is anal bleaching” would meander to Logo and pull up… oh no… Fire Island. This week, squirrel friends, is that week.

Fire Island, apparently Logo’s only current original programming, is a lackluster homosexual version of Jersey Shore that is meant to provide entertainment for former sorority girls, gays who genuinely love YouTube vloggers, and those who've stayed home sick with a cold. The show follows a mismatched group of gay dudes as they spend their weekends living together in a house on Fire Island (duh). Toggling between beaches and circuit parties, the guys ask questions important to the queer community, like whether or not men can pull their penises out at a family barbecue or if a man should buy apparel that matches his dog’s. Most importantly, a housemate named Patrick reminds us of the pervasive appeal of top knots, which I thought the American Board of Hipster Specialists officially banned in the fall of 2015. But, then again, do rules really apply on Fire Island? I guess not.

If you’re a homosexual dealing with your own self-loathing, I would recommend skipping this show, as it may trigger an anxiety attack. However, if you’d like to put something on TV while you’re cleaning your home, the repetitive beach parties and shiny ab muscles are a lovely addition to a mundane afternoon. Fire Island airs Thursdays on Logo, and can be streamed on Logo’s website. This week, the top knot gay bro competes in a pageant. (Fun Fact: Mark Consuelos, Kelly Rippa’s husband, is the show’s Executive Producer.)

Sense8
(Netflix)

Theyre too connected to have a space between Sense and 8.
They're too connected to have a space between Sense and 8.

From what we know about the second season of Sense8, which lands on Netflix this Friday, May 5, it wastes no times jumping right back into the sexy, sci-fi action. That's great, because the second season of Sense8 is coming to stream queens nearly two years after its original premiere. (Of course, there was that orgiastic Christmas special last year, which you should definitely revisit.)

If you're late to the joyous clusterfuck of Sense8, well, okay, here's a three sentence overview: The people who made The Matrix trilogy came up with this Netflix series about eight creepy/cute/hot people who can sense each other and share their special powers. The filming style is innovative and seamless, and the show has consistently been hailed as the best current show for LGBT representation (which, much like Moonlight, seems almost incidental, because the series lets its characters live without the narrative being consumed by their queer identities). The second season will supposedly have more blood and more mythology, and will definitely feel more poignant in this new time of President Burnt Orange Baby Hands.

The Last Kingdom
(Netflix)

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Are you into 9th-century Viking invaders? Sneaky Middle Ages shit? Well, The Last Kingdom is for you and your ren faire heart. Originally created by Downton Abbey producer Carnival Films, Netflix acquired the first season of the historical drama The Last Kingdom last year, and released it to American viewers. Netflix also hopped on to co-produce the series’ second season, which drops this Friday. (At first, I naively thought this show might have something to do with my all-time guilty pleasure, The 10th Kingdom, but, alas, it doesn’t.)

The Last Kingdom is based on Bernard Cornwell’s bestselling book series, The Saxon Stories, and it's about a hot, sweaty white dude who’s trying to unite all of England in like the year 870 or something. Popular classical actors fill out the cast (David Dawson from Peaky Blinders, Ian Hart from Boardwalk Empire, and Emily Cox from Homeland). Check out the vid below for a good idea of what you’re getting yourself into. Lots of whispering and teeth snarling.


Premieres & Releases This Week

Like I said, it’s slim pickin’s this week. Sense8 and The Last Kingdom hit Netflix on Friday. Sense8 is freaky and hot, though, so it should tide y’all over till next week when a whole slew of favorites premiere or return. (*Ahem* Master of None; I Love Dick.) If you’re looking for mindless garbage (other than Fire Island) to distract you from the tire fire that is your life America, check out The Last 100 Days of Diana on ABC (because apparently we need more sentimental coverage of Princess Di), or the first-ever 2017 MTV Movie & TV Awards, hosted by Adam Devine.

- Sense8 (Netflix, Fri, May 5)

- The Last Kingdom (Netflix, Fri, May 5)

- The Last 100 Days of Diana (ABC, Sun, May 7)

- 2017 MTV Movie & TV Awards (MTV, Sun, May 7)