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Happy Memorial Day weekend, everybody! Just a quick reminder that it will be hot, you will leave your windows open, you'll be out of town, AND YOU WILL BE ROBBED.

A Burglar's PSA

It's going to be hot this weekend—the weather report says it's going to be almost 100. It's the perfect time for me to rob you. You'll be going to the coast, or to the river, or to the pool. You'll leave your windows open, because you always do. I'll hang around down on the corner and wait for you to leave. Then I'll sneak around to the back of your house and slip through the window—probably the one in your child's room. I'll rifle through your stuff and take your iPad, laptop, and if I'm really lucky, your gun. I'm usually in and out within five minutes. I've already got a guy lined up to buy your stuff. So thank you in advance for leaving your windows open. You're keeping America working.—Anonymous

Got a rant, confession, or burglary advice you'd like to share with the world? Drop it off in the I, Anonymous Blog where it might be chosen to run in a coming week's paper, or featured in our I, Anonymous comedy show now at its new location at Curious Comedy Theater, coming at ya on Wed June 7! Get yer tix here!