Check out this Craigslist ad spotted by the keen eyes of Reddit: An East Bay resident is interested in impregnating some lucky woman during the upcoming eclipse.
Sooooo... yeah. I have a few questions.
1) Is it just me or is this guy a little too focused on being "European" and "pure"?
2) I think I could be interested in a guy with looks that are "lethal"... but lethal instincts, knowledge, and strength? That's just overkill. Haw! GET IT?!?
3) I know he's from East Bay and all, but apparently he doesn't know that there's NO ROOM LEFT IN THE TOTALITY ZONE ANYWHERE. If an "exact location" isn't already set, they'll be forced to do it in a Eugene strip mall on the roof of a Chik-fil-A.
4) He'd like to make love and impregnate her during the totality which will last at most two minutes. I'm thinking he's a bit overconfident about his stamina. (Pro Tip: Think about baseball or your grandma.)
5) He hopes to have simultaneous orgasms during the two minute eclipse. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! GOOD ONE.
6) "We will conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution." See question #1.
7) Why does his penis get to be "directed toward the sun"? What about her vagina's needs? HEY PAL! Don't forget, you're just the sperm supplier here. (Besides, unless those squirts are outfitted with eclipse glasses, you're going to be a proud papa of mole men.)
8) "Nitrous Oxide while we climax and experience totality and conception is OK with me." Now I'm starting to think this whole thing has been a nitrous commercial.
9) "You must like cats." DEAL BREAKER!