All this, but in the comfort of your own home.
All this, but in the comfort of your own home. Bloom/Facebook

You know what will be coming soon? (No, not your mom, nor mine, pervert.)

The rain. The wind. The cold. And if Jesus is still furious with us for all the same-sex mouth-to-wiener stuff Portlanders enjoy so much, probably lots and lots of snow—unless you are one of those "climate change" people, in which case you will say "science" is the reason for our remarkably cold winter last year.

Point being, leaving the house for anything other than work, school, or fulfilling your community service probation obligations is about to become all the more challenging. So how are you going to get your cannabis and cannabis products?

What if there was an option to have your jazz tobacco brought to your home? You would need only get up off your couch, futon, or apple crate, answer the door, and someone would hand you cannabis. There was a time, before legalization, when this was relatively common if you had a dealer who made house calls. And home delivery is now possible once again from several area dispensaries, including the good folks at Bloom Cannabis dispensary.

It's a little more complicated than having a dozen pizzas delivered to your high school football coach. But once you've completed all the steps, you can have an exit bag—filled with anything Bloom carries—placed into your hands while you stand in your doorway.

Here's the breakdown of how it works. Go to bloomportland.com/shop or stemless.co and enter your address during delivery hours. Make sure you are in the delivery area, which encompasses most of Portland. Right now Bloom's order hours are noon to 8 pm on Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday, and noon to 6 pm on Sunday. And their delivery hours are 1 pm to 9 pm on Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday, and 1 pm to 7 pm on Sunday.

On the site, you can view their entire inventory with photos and descriptions on each item: flower, pre-rolls, edibles, BHO, vape cartridges, topicals, and hard goods. Just like Amazon, add your items to your cart. Create your account/login with Stemless, and pay with a simple and secure bank-to-0bank transfer. (E- Check.)

There is a $30 minimum and $5 delivery fee, but delivery is free with a purchase over $75. Use the code Bloom10 to receive 10% off your first order. Medical patients get a free delivery credit with each order: Use code medical20 to remove tax from purchase, and you'll need to provide your OMMP card number in the notes when ordering and provide the physical card upon receipt of product.

Bloom also offers a customer loyalty program, which you can sign up for upon time of delivery, and it accrues points with each delivery. Example: $1 spent = 1 point. For Recreational customers, once they reach 250 points they receive $10 off. For Medical customers, once they reach 150 points they receive $10 off and a free gram from their Gold tier.

I asked Bloom why they decided to start offering this service. “We pride ourselves on our customer service and when we heard about being able to offer delivery we felt it was a wonderful way we could go above and beyond for our customers. We want to make the cannabis purchasing experience as convenient, easy, and enjoyable as possible. When we found out that Stemless would help us achieve that in ways we never thought possible it was a no brainer to team up with them!

“Another big reason we wanted to start delivery was to help people who did not have the ability to come into the store or who had great difficulties doing so. We wanted to help medical patients whose physical ailments made it challenging to leave the house. That is why we offer a delivery credit for each order for medical patients.”

Walking is very overrated, and as a country, we get too much exercise anyway. Sign up and take a load off.