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Patriot Prayer Member in August: Not Ready to Commit Violence, Like, At All.
Patriot Prayer Member in August: Not Ready to Commit Violence, Like, At All. Kenton Waltz

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! I feel the night explode when we're together. Emotion overload in the heat of pleasure. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

In a press conference yesterday afternoon about the latest Patriot Prayer rumble downtown, Portland Police spoke of a rally in August in which Patriot Prayer members were discovered with loaded guns on top of a parking garage downtown right above where protesters were expected to congregate. The police apparently "redirected" them, but never deemed it necessary to inform the public. Join me now in saying, "WHAT. THE. FUCK."

At this same hastily called press conference, Mayor Ted Wheeler announced new rules to govern protests in the city, to wit: "…the proposed ordinance allows the police commissioner to decide what time, how long, and where the slated protest will take place—along with how many participants are allowed to participate in the demonstration." People are already raising constitutional concerns about that, and for very good reason.

Billionaire/Trail Blazers owner Paul Allen has died following a lengthy battle with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. He was 65.

The conservative leaning editorial board of the Portland Tribune has joined the conservative leaning editorial board of the Oregonian in endorsing GOP gubernatorial candidate/fake moderate Knute Buehler.

It appears President Trump is setting up a smoke screen for the Saudis in regards to the brutal killing of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, saying his murderers could've been "rogue killers." (Or, you know, that hacker "sitting on their bed who weighs 400 pounds.")

Democrats are doing much better than Republicans in midterm fundraising for key Congressional districts, but big money interests are keeping the GOP's wallets nice and fat.

(Ahem.) TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO REGISTER TO VOTE IN OREGON. DO IT HERE, AND MAKE SURE YOU'RE REGISTERED AS WELL. THEN MAKE SURE YOUR NOT-AS-SMART-AS-YOU FRIENDS ARE REGISTERED, TOO!


Stormy Daniel's (extremely credible) defamation lawsuit against the president has been thrown out by a federal judge, who also ordered the businesswoman to pay Trump's legal fees.


Today in "Trump is a goddamn idiot": THIS PAINTING.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren decided to play Trump's game by getting a DNA test that proves her Native American ancestry, and now is getting heat from tribal leaders and activists. Oh, and her test results didn't stop our racist president from calling her "Pocahontas" again.

Former Senate Intelligence Committee Security Director James Wolfe pleaded guilty to lying to FBI agents in regards to information leaks within the White House.

I am behind this 100 percent: "Cursed: witches are planning a public hexing of Brett Kavanaugh."

ROYAL BABY BUZZ: Pippa Middleton has a baby boy, and (ICYMI) new royal Meghan Markle is expecting a baby next spring. THE MONARCHY CONTINUES!

Now let's look at the WEATHER: Another gorgeous sunny day with a high of 77!

And finally, here is the Halloween/Pee-Wee Herman mashup you didn't know you desperately needed.