SEX

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Mother Tries Her Best Not to Beat Up Jerks Who Make Fun of Her Kid

DAN.jpg

I’m a queer mother to a very liberal, accepting family but I’m freaking out a bit and I need your help.

My child, let’s call them Sweetie, is a 7-year-old (assigned male at birth) who has always loved sparkles, rainbows, high heels and all things femme. Sweetie has been insisting for about a year that they’re not a boy, and just last week told me and their siblings that they’re a girl.

This is not the problem. We all love Sweetie and accept them for who they are, want them to be happy and fully themselves, and will support them in all ways we can. We have always allowed the kids to wear whatever they like, and play with whichever toys they like. The grandparents are all on board with this and won’t have a problem if Sweetie turns out to be a girl in the long run.

The problem is that we live in a tiny village in very rural, conservative Britain. While not as bad as rural Texas, trans kids are not well understood here and we haven’t got any LGBT support groups within a couple of hours drive.

Sweetie is a sensitive, caring kid who won’t even stand up to their siblings in a fight. I’m really, really worried about how they’re going to cope with the unavoidable backlash they’re going to face from peers and, sadly, other adults in our community. We have already had a few incidents of kids calling Sweetie names for wearing a skirt and a lot of older adults pointing, staring and whispering.

Continue reading »

SEX

Savage Love Letter of the Day: It's Okay to Share Dick Pics at Work, Just Not His Dick Pics

DAN.jpg

I'm a 36-year-old homo in a large metropolitan city with a sizable gay community. I'm out, proud and being single. I'm also on the promiscuous side. Being that I'm a slut (a label I'm not afraid of) and that it's also 2017, there exists a number of photographs of me in a number of sexual positions. My face isn't clearly visible in any of them, but some photos show more of me than others, including tattoos.

I've sent these photos out over the gay hookup apps. Now, in my mild defense, I'm 36. I remember IRC chat rooms, which predate even AOL. When I used gay.com it took more than ten minutes to attach a photo to an email. I've sent and received dick pics thousands of times in 16 years.

So imagine my surprise when I was setting up work at my restaurant—where I've been employed for only three months—and I glance over and spot a busboy showing photos I recognize to a manager. I step closer and it's very obvious to me—having seen and sent this photo for over a year—that it's my mouth with a dick in it. I watch as he scrolls and it's a photo of me in a mask (my lower jaw visible) at IML, he scrolls again and it's me with another dick in my mouth.

Continue reading »

SEX

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Her Partner Only Likes Having Sex with Hairy Old Gay Men

DAN.jpg

My partner and I are in our early 30s and have been together for 6 years. I'm a cis-gendered female and my partner is FTM and began his transition last year. Up until that point, we had a fairly vanilla but satisfying and regular sex life. We both started to want kinkier sex, more variety, and some agreed-upon openness but had yet to really do the work to get there. The changes our relationship have gone through since his transition started though are so drastic I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around where to go from here.

My partner expressed interest in hooking up with men after starting T six months ago (something he had done when female-identified but hated). I was begrudgingly ok with this, not because I'm opposed to fun outside our relationship, but because he doesn't currently have any desire to have sex with me. I know I can pursue sex outside our relationship because we've always had an open-door policy, but I don't have any desire to be in a purely companionate relationship at age 30. The fact is, the only sex he seems interested in having is secretive, unprotected sex with old (60+), hairy, male strangers off Craigslist. I have nothing against old hairy men (although definitely not my cup of tea), but using protection and disclosure to each other were on our list of boundaries. He only admitted his behavior because his lies became too big for even him to keep track of.

He's noticeably less verbal and unable to identify his own emotions & intentions since starting T. He doesn't have any idea why he wants what he wants or if this is just a phase. Is it possible that T has permanently changed my partner's sexual orientation this much? My compassionate, emotive, ethical partner who was always so GGG and pro-safe sex seems to have turned into, well, just some gross dude. He identifies as pansexual but is really only pursuing the grandpa demographic which I clearly don't fit. I should also add that my partner has struggled to maintain his sobriety & has been dealing with depression since starting T. I feel utterly heartbroken and confused about who he has become.

Partner's Always Playing Around Sexually

Continue reading »

Check Out the Guy Running Against Paul Ryan


That's some good political advertising right there.

The last time a Speaker of the House lost their reelection bid? Washington State's own Tom Foley, way back in 1995. The time before that? Galusha Aaron Grow in 1862. Let's do it again in 2018.


SEX

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Guy Willing to Abandon His Fetish in the Name of Love, Girl Suspicious

DAN.jpg

I'm a 29-year-old straight woman, I'm faced with a dilemma, and I'd love your take on the situation. A guy wants to get back together with me, but... well, I should first give some backstory.

I dated this guy about a year ago, and in many ways he was exactly the guy I was looking for. The main hitch was sexual. Our sex was good, but he had a fetish where he wanted me to sleep with other guys (with or without him being there, whether secretly or openly). Basically, he gets off on a girl being a "slut." He was also into threesomes or swapping with another couple. I experimented around with all of that for a few months, and in a way I had fun with it, but I finally had an epiphany and realized that this lifestyle is not for me. Being honest with myself, what I want is more of a traditional, monogamous relationship. I broke it off with him, but we stayed on friendly terms.

Here's the issue: We have reconnected recently, and he wants to get back together. He says that he wants to be with me, even if it means a more traditional sex life. I'm interested, but I'm suspicious. If he decides to forego his fetish in order to be with me, can he ever feel truly fulfilled with our sex life? I don't want to be with someone who I can't completely satisfy. That's a turn-off for me, and it also seems like too much of a sacrifice to expect from someone long-term. I worry that down the road, he might change his mind and try to convince me to experiment with non-monogamy again, which would make me feel pressured. I'm looking for someone to settle down with, and I'm scared to waste more time on this guy, even though in many (nonsexual) ways he's a great fit. Do you think it's possible for us to be happy together in a traditional arrangement when deep down he wants more?

Interested Despite Kink

Continue reading »

Repeal-and-Go-Fuck-Yourself: Will GOP's Effort to Destroy Obamacare Get Us to Single-Payer?

So watching Republicans destroy the Republican alternative to a single-payer/Medicare-for-all health care system—because the black guy did it—is prompting some Democrats to embrace single-payer/Medicare-for-all, aka the kind of health care systems they have Israel, Vatican City, and other socialist hellholes. Ezra Klein at Vox:

The details of the Senate GOP’s Obamacare replacement plan remain a mystery. But the argument Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is using to push the final product over the finish line isn’t. On Friday, McConnell reportedly “delivered a private warning to his Senate Republicans: If they failed to pass legislation unwinding the Affordable Care Act, Democrats could regain power and establish a single-payer health-care system.” History may record a certain irony if this is the argument McConnell uses to successfully destroy Obamacare. In recent conversations with Democrats and industry observers, I’ve become convinced that just the opposite is true: If Republicans unwind Obamacare and pass their bill, then Democrats are much likelier to establish a single-payer health care system—or at least the beginnings of one—when they regain power.

Remember, kids: Obamacare—mandates, exchanges, fines, public subsidies, private profits—was originally the Republican alternative to a single-payer system. It was crafted by the hard-right Heritage Foundation and beta-tested by Mitt Romney when he was the governor of Massachusetts. And the idea was to preserve and expand our expensive, inefficient and inhuman for-profit health care system—without making it simpler, and without covering everyone. One of the chief ironies of the last nine years? Conservatives demanding that liberals defend what was—and still is—a conservative proposal.

Back to Ezra:

Continue reading »

SEX

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Different Strokes

DAN.jpg

Ever since I was young, I've masturbated differently than everyone else. I don't play with myself with my hand. Instead what I do is I lie on the floor and hump the floor and the pressure between my leg and the floor usually feels good and that makes me cum. I've done this ever since I was a kid, and I'm now 24. The problem with this method is that it doesn't work with erections. Every time I've tried it with a boner, it just feels like I'm lying on a stick and it's uncomfortable. So I normally wait until I'm flaccid again, and then masturbate. Unfortunately, this means I've never cumed with an erection, I've only cumed when flaccid. I've had sex three times in my life, and never once have I cumed during sex. I think I accidentally trained my dick to not cum when I'm hard. I have no problem keeping a boner during sex and can go for a long time, I've just never cumed.

I think what started this problem is in general was I was born with lower than normal muscle mass which means I have terrible upper body strength. Every time I tried masturbating normally it just felt tiring and uncomfortable. I bought a Fleshlight recently to try and help me learn to masturbate normally but I have trouble getting an erection when I'm not around women (porn doesn't do it for me).

Struggling To Reach Orgasm Kinda Easily

Continue reading »

Cardinal Dolan Knows You're About to Suck a Delicious Cock But Wishes You Wouldn't

With everything that's going down right now and with so many of the world's environmental problems directly traceable to human overpopulation—we are literally killing everything—you'd think the princes of the Catholic Church would have better things to do with their time than knock that cock out of your mouth.

You'd be wrong:

Cardinal Timothy Dolan Endorses Ex-Gay Book Calling On Homosexuals To Live Loveless Lives Of Chastity

whyidontcall.jpg
From a press release published today by Christian Newswire: “In his brutally honest and frank debut book, WHY I DON’T CALL MYSELF GAY: How I Reclaimed My Sexual Identity and Found Peace, [Daniel] Mattson chronicles his journey of discovery that led him to understand how he was created and what he was created for... "Daniel Mattson has written an honest account of the genuine struggles faced by those with same-sex attraction,” says Cardinal Timothy Michael Dolan, archbishop of New York. “Drawing upon a wealth of spiritual insights and wisdom from across our deep Catholic tradition, he shares with us how he has come to understand and accept God’s loving plan for his life, as well as the beauty and richness of the Church’s teaching on chastity. The tenderness and mercy of God is evident throughout and is a powerful reminder for all of us!”

Wait a second—is Dolan saying he needs to be reminded not to suck dicks?

Continue reading »

SEX

Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Scent of a Woman

DAN.jpg

Hey Dan. My girlfriend listens to you and sorry I hadn't heard of you until her. But I have a problem and I want to tell her but don't know how so I thought of you. Her butt smells often like butt sweat and shit and it's a major turn off like when she sits on the bed and stands up I smell ass and how can I go down there with that smell lingering in the back of my mind it's really grossing me out help

Continue reading »

SEX

Savage Love Letter of the Day: For Old Timer's Sake

SAVAGE-Letter-of-the-Day-STAMP-2017.jpg

Hi Dan Savage. I am 78. Wife passed on sex for last 15-18 years. It is driving me crazy. I don't want a divorce but I would really like some sexual companionship. How might I go about it? Suggetions?

Distressed Elder Seeking Direction

Everyone out there reading this—everyone besides, it seems, the person who sent me today's question—knows what I'm gonna tell DESD, right? Do what you have to do to stay married and stays sane, sometimes cheating is the least worst option, get online and find a sex worker (Mistress Matisse has some good advice on finding one). But I'm curious what you would tell him, dear reader. Is everyone in agreement with me these days? Or do I still have readers who believe honor and decency require DESD to divorce his (presumably elderly) wife before seeking sex outside his sexless-but-monogamous marriage?

Continue reading »

Trump Administration: Ignore the President's Tweets

Both Kellyanne "Lying Liar" Conway and Sebastian "Closet Nazi" Gorka went on television yesterday and slammed the media for covering Trump's tweets:

Two advisers to President Donald Trump attacked morning show hosts for covering the president's tweets after he issued a series of statements pushing his "travel ban," an executive order banning U.S. entry for individuals from six majority Muslim nations. Trump also expressed his opinion that the Justice Department should have kept the original version of the ban and called for a "much tougher version." On NBC's Today, White House counselor Kellyanne Conway lamented the "obsession with covering everything he says on Twitter and very little of what he does as president," and on CNN's New Day, Trump's Deputy Assistant Sebastian Gorka called Chris Cuomo's focus on Trump's tweets "irresponsible" and told him he was "obsessing," concluding that, "if you want to keep talking about a tweet, then you're not serving your audience well or the American public." Both Conway and Gorka referred to the media's coverage of Trump's tweets an "obsession."

What a president says and does is news—particularly when a president talks about what he's doing, has done, or plans to do. And Trump himself, as Trump routinely likes to do, got on Twitter today and contradicted his long-suffering-but-deserve-to-suffer aides:

Continue reading »

SEX

Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Quad Squad

DAN.jpg

My S.O. and I recently started a polyamorous relationship with another couple, who have been our friends for some time. We see each other pretty regularly for non-sex encounters and sometimes we get together to just hang out. For the first time we were hanging out and I just wasn't feeling it. I attempted to text my S.O. to let him know (and honestly wasn't putting out any vibes/touches throughout the whole day) that I just really wanted to go home but his phone was off and things had already gotten started in the cuddling dept.

Do you have any suggestions for putting the brakes on a potential evening? I'm GGG in the sense that I am fine with him having fun without me, but he's not interested in a threesome with the other male partner and I don't want to be the reason someone gets left out.

Friendly Orgasms Usually Relaxing

Continue reading »

SEX

Savage Love Letter of the Day: If He Comes Out at Work, Will He Always Have to Talk About Being Gay?

DAN.jpg

How do I become known as "openly gay" to my employer's management? I am a 33-year-old gay man. I do not, nor do I want to, talk about my personal life at work. Even if I did I am not now and haven't been in a serious, long-term relationship for many years. So, I have no pictures to put on my desk of a boyfriend or husband.

I work for a wonderful, progressive and fair-minded company. They are fully committed to women's and LGBTQ rights. Recently an impressive gay man was promoted from my department to Senior Management. At company events, he brings his husband. When he was selected for the position the announcement proudly and accurately stated he was the first "openly gay" person to serve in the job. At his promotion ceremony, reference was made to CEO Tim Cook of Apple and former Secretary of the Army Eric Fanning for them to being the first "openly gay" people to lead their organizations.

My performance reviews are excellent. I'm sure though since I've given them no reason to believe otherwise, human resources and senior management see me as a cis, straight, white, male. What is the effective and ethical way to "announce" my gayness at my job?

Guy Against Yelling Sexuality

Continue reading »

A Joy Reid Tweetstorm You Should Read

Gathered together here for your convenience...






Continue reading »

SEX

This Is Insane: House Passes Law Calling For Mandatory 15-Year Prison Sentences for Half of All Teenagers

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan

Elizabeth Nolan Brown at Reason:

Teens who text each other explicit images could be subject to 15 years in federal prison under a new bill that just passed the House of Representatives.... Most of the opposition centered on the bill's effective expansion of mandatory-minimum prison sentences. One vocal critic was Rep. Bobby Scott (D-Virginia), who called the legislation "particularly appalling" because it would "apply to people who I think we should all agree should not be subject" to long mandatory minimums. "Under this law, teenagers who engage in consensual conduct and send photos of a sexual nature to their friends or even to each other may be prosecuted and the judge must sentence them to at least 15 years in prison," said Scott on the House floor. What's more, "the law explicitly states that the mandatory minimums will apply equally to an attempt or a conspiracy," Scott noted.

Did you catch that? It's not just sexting—actually sending or receiving sexts—that could get your kid sent to prison for 15 years. Your kid could get 15 years for attempting to send or receive a sext. Let's say a 15-year-old kid—let's say your 15-year-old kid—asks their boyfriend or girlfriend to send them a dirty picture (something millions of teenagers do everyday), the BF/GF's parents see the request, they turn it over to the police. Your kid goes to prison until they're 30 years old. Or your kid, terrified at the prospect of a long prison sentence, is forced to take a plea deal offered by an overzealous prosecutor: probation, community service, and having to register as a sex offender for the rest of their life, which will make it impossible for your kid to get an education, find a job, or a place to live. It's a social death sentence—just the threat of which has prompted more than one teenager to kill themselves.

If this stupid, dangerous law sails through the Senate the way it sailed through the house, it's basically a license to toss every other teenager in the country in jail. CNN:

Continue reading »