Unemployed for Four Years
The second installment in which we ignore employed people's opinions and recommendations in favor of those living on tax dollars and Ramen: The unemployed! While Cedric has a master's degree in international business, right now his job is maintaining self-respect! Here's how:
• Be generous: "Invite friends to dinner, and then they'll invite you. What goes around, comes around."
• Never buy cheap beer: "It makes you look poor, and feel poor—you'll be wallowing in poorness. If you settle for your beer you'll settle for anything."
• Dress well: "Hopefully when you had money, you bought some cool shit. Also, anyone can afford a blazer from a thrift store. When you're sick of www.monster.com, hit up Red Light and look for the perfect shoes."
• Don't borrow money from friends: "Money and friends don't mix. Friends are much more valuable than money when you're unemployed."
Georgia Lee Hussey
Unemployed for Two Weeks
Though unemployed, Georgia is by no means smoking tons of pot, watching too much TV—or, looking for a job. Here are some better things to do when you're on the dole:
• Think of a title for yourself: "Say you're a writer, or philosopher film critic, or something. That way, people will still take you seriously."
• Assign yourself homework and deadlines: "This creates some semblance of structure when there is none. All you need is coffee, a book, and a window. I require three to four hours of reading per day."
• Become a blogger: "Start a blog or website. This passes the time and keeps your brain active."
• Get an internship: "Get a corporate job, lose it, get unemployment, then get an internship for something you actually want to do."
• Become a smoker: "Also, drink too much Scotch. This makes for a classy style of unemployment, the intellectual type."