Two broken legs?! Jeesh, man, who knew it was safer serving scalding hot chocolate with the mice in the Hillsboro Stadium concessions stand?

I think we're going to need you to pick up the bong again...

I watch football most Saturdays and many Sundays during the season. It's an incredibly fun sport to watch and it also ties in weirdly to my sense of cultural pride of Southern upbringing. That SEC obsession shit is real.

I was a Niner's fan as a child, because Nashville didn't have a team then, so most kids just picked one. The first game I went to, I saw Steve Young get carried out on a stretcher after a concussion. It was neither his first nor last, and they ended his career. I've heard local legend Frank Wycheck talk about the pain he feels every morning due to the damage done to his joints and nerves, and a few years after that he started talking about memory loss and depression related to CTE.

I still love watching football, but I know sometime in my lifetime the sport will either have to go through some serious changes or end completely. And when it does I won't miss it.

On a side note - fuck every Ducks fan that boos opposing players when they're on the ground. You know how easily people get hurt - seriously hurt - and you're the biggest piece of shit on the planet for booing a kid just to satisfy your own smug victimization complex.

NEXT WEEK ON "EVERYTHING AS FUCK": ME, RUY LOPEZ, AND THE CHESS CLUB INCIDENT

I recall the sisyphean task of blocking you in 6th grade. Its cool to read your reflection; I can relate. Its an odd reality that big Amurican kids are encouraged to hurt themselves and others for sport. 500,000 werds for sure.

I can watch and enjoy football, knowing exactly how fucked up it is. I can eat and enjoy bacon, knowing an intelligent animal was "farmed" so I could. And I can listen to/read/watch (insert artist here) even though I know (insert transgressions here).

Two key survival skills: Compartmentalization and Rationalization. "I don't know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex."

Take a Big Chill pill and pass the pork rinds, man.