Next week in LOS ANGELES AS FUCK: More about Los Angeles. Did I mention I live in Los Angeles? Loooos Aaaaangeeeeleeees.

I used to spend summers visiting my grandmother in Los Angeles. I always came back feeling like a part of my soul was missing. It's like the Never Ending Story or perhaps taking some bad molly. You don't want to fuck around with the nothingness for too long, you might never make it back in one piece.

I'm tentatively extending an offer to eat this column, three sticks of cinnamon, some ginger, cloves, mace, allspice, nutmeg, and a half pound of Stumptown's finest peaberry to ferment in my intestine for a week.

I will expel for you the world's first human Kopi Luwak PSL. You may still not be able to distinguish the flavor between the two products but at least my Portland version comes with one heck of a backstory.

Angelinos are totally harmless. Just stand still, let them feel your hair/skin, maybe sniff you a few times and then you're part of the pack. Plus they have KCRW.