TODD MECKLEM is on vacation this week. He will return next week.

Ian, you gotta be careful or all the chubby young nebbishes out there are gonna think the only way they can get laid is to become a rising comedy star and have their own alt-alt-weekly column. They'll just be disappointed and then...hey, wait a minute, you KNEW that's what inspires some of the best comedy, didn't you? Frustrated, unattractive loners are the grist for the comedy-industrial complex! You sly dog; what's your commission on this? Is Comedy Central giving you a finder's fee on every Louis CK knock-off they hire?

Ahh yes, the bliss that comes in that initial honeymoon period when one finds an attractive chubby chaser who also sounds to be really cool. Congrats, Ian!

I feel like all the times you got picked on as a kid you deserved after reading this self absorbed and highly pretentious piece of literary poo poo

Governor Cootslobber is going down? You guys hear anything?