why do you write for the portland mercury from la? i mean, we got like all these fucking tyler hursts right here.

^^The logic in this is self-evident: If WW is going to hire a newcomer to tell us what Portland is all about, then the Merc has to have a new-goer do the same. Portlanders are obviously the LEAST qualified to comment on themselves and their environs.

Sorry, I didn't have to read this, too busy working on my new column for LA Weekly.

Too busy to proofread my comments, too.

I'd like to retract those comments. What do I care if someone in L.A. writes for a Portland alt-weekly? (I've always enjoyed retracting, ever since the day my parents bought me my first retractor set.)

I think I'll retract that last comment, too. And this one.

My name is Ryan, and I moved from Portland to LA. And I still read the Mercury because the weeklies here suck. Ian, it really felt like you wrote this for me! Thanks for making me feel special.

Please tell me Popcaan is James Caan's rap name.