Are the homeroom hotties getting you down? Well, even if those high school hunkies are nothing but bunkies, this issue of Teen Mercury has the drooliest of luscious babes. Check it out! We've got two, TWO yummy pin-ups that are HOT and ready for hangin'! On page 15, there's Portland's hottiest of hotty hot-hot bands, The Swords Project. Can you scream "DREAM??" And on page 21, there's deelish pix of actor/musician Corey Feldman! (DA-ROOL! DA-ROOL!)
And speaking of "somebody better pinch me!" scope out "Your Hottie Neighbors" on page 11! That's right, gorgeous, scrumptious, so good they oughtta be in a gravy boat, HUNKS and HOTTIES--and they all live right here! In Portland! Could you just DIE?!? And speaking of yummy locals... OH-MAH-GAWD! On page 9? There's like, an open letter? From Bill Sizemore? And it's all about how he's looking for girl? And that girl could be YOU??? OH! I can't bear it!!!
And oh...OH...OHHHHHH, I almost forgot! You will simply KILL YOURSELF if you miss this week's edition of Ask Mykle--Best Friend to the Stars! Mykle gives the latest steamy gossip and goings-on with all your fave celebs including Reese Witherspoon, boy-band heart-throbs No Authority, and ohhhhhh, ohhhhh-mah-gawwwwwd... the lil' bro of BSB's Nick...the dreamiest of dreamy hottie hunkie dreams, AARON (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!) CARTER (EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!). Oh, GOD!! I love him, I love him, I love him! He is SOOOOO CUTE, I just want to kiss his picture and kiss his picture and squeeze it so tight and tear it in to little bitty SHREDS I love him so much!! Why, why, why, Aaron? Why can't you be mine? No one can EVER love you as much as I do!! Those other girls don't even deserve to LOOK at you!! And if any of you witches try...I swear to GOD I'll rip your stupid eyes out of their SOCKETS!!!
Anyway! Enough blabbing! Enjoy this ish of Teen Mercury, and remember: Be cool, stay in school! T.T.F.N.