A! FUCKING! MEN! I'm so tired of the passive-aggressive afterthoughts of what you should have said if you had the balls to actually tell someone what you think of them.

Thank you, anonymous, for demanding quality in this, my favorite, but oft disappointing, column.

I remember one from years ago about barebacking parties and faking about HIV- status. It was terrifying, but it's stuck in my mind. Unlike the majority of these I Anonymous columns.

Yeah, I remember that one too. It was pretty fucked up...

my favorite column

Fight the power, Laptop Jawa!

Annie, that was awesome.

I remember that one, you know, that one time in band camp when the girls used their flutes in a way that was less than musical. The way they used them to peg the male campers before the term "pegging" was developed. The way they packed fudge in a loving and free spirited way that only teen girls can do. The way that being violated anally wasn't considered anal sex unless another's genitalia was involved. Yes, I remember that one. It too was a zinger.......long live the memories.

I've enjoyed many odd and off the wall Anonymous columns, but lately they have sucked or seemed totally fake... Maybe the submissions are sub par these days...

Making snarky comments on the fake ones is just fun though... so as long as it appears fake, I'll be snarky!!!

i'm failing the whole class

I Anon wrote "at least my lies were more interesting..."

Let readers be the judge of that. Your dog switcheroo one was boring and totally uninspired. If that's any indication of your style, I'll bet you also wrote at least one of the recent bodily-fluid-revenge ones, which in my personal opinion were juvenile and predictable. But I realize I'm not going to enjoy every column.

This longtime reader disagrees that the column has to be about "Portand's wildest secrets"? That only invites embellishment and outright lying -- and even then, no real imagination.

They say there's a time and a place for everything. This column is one place where complaining and "venting" are fully appropriate. This doesn't mean it always has to include those things, but you can bet that when it does, it seems like some people inevitably respond with complaints about the "bitching." Feeble, repetitive bitching about other peoples' bitching -- kind of hypocritical.

"the column becomes obsolete... or just fucking lame"
Too late.

Before you finish congratulating yourself, you might wish to consider the possibility that the downturn reflects more upon the person selecting the submissions than upon your individual genius...

Actually, don't do that: it couldn't turn out good for you.

I always questioned wherther this column was mostly fake, anyways.

I agree 100%! I Anonymous has become nothing but junk. I miss the secret, dirty nasty confessions of yore, the boogers in the soup, the peeping Toms and Tomassenes, all of it.

Mercury, please set stricter guidelines for I, Anonymous, make it fun again!

Yes, this! I miss the I, Anonymous of yore, with the dirty little secret confessions of otherwise "normal" Portlanders, the stories of secret revenge.

Mercury, please set some better standards for I, Anonymous. Specific guidelines would be nice.