I, Anonymous Jul 14, 2011 at 4:00 am

GLUTENOUS MAXIMUS

Comments

1
While we are at is can I request gluten free people not request resturants to magically make their meal that normally has gluten "gluten free" in the middle of a rush? And, if I do that for you and it tastes like crap, please dont complain because I probably had 8 meals i was cooking when your order came in and i had to stop and think, "Wait, does this have gluten? what about this one? I need to make this sauce from scratch in 4 minutes! i need a new cutting board thats not contaminated! fuck, 3 more tickets came in!"
2
Who are you to say that people who are avoiding gluten are all "celiacs"?

There are other things aside from celiac disease. How about gluten intolerance? Gluten sensitivity? Just plain feeling better when you don't eat bread? Be tolerant man. Our dietary habits have changed a lot since our guts evolved. Maybe people are healthier when they eat less wheat and more fermented vegetables. Less sugar, more balanced intestinal flora? Who knows? Probably not you. Don't go around thinking you know what's best for the other guy. He might decide he knows what's best for you.
3
Who gives a shit, were all GOING TO DIE!!! This is it folks, stuff your fat circle filled with every carbohydrate you can fist, slam it down with a 32oz Monster and have un-protected sex with the person next to you. Or shut the fuck up you 84 pound monster, before I put my seeping gout filled foot up your shiny little ass. Now go to Powells line the fuck up and buy a fucking cook book already, MY food is getting cold.
4
Yeah, i'm not at all convinced of this whole "gluten-free" thing myself. But they sound damn near as pretentious as vegans.
5
holy shit. that was hillarious
6
Evangelist vs Mormon = Celiac vs Vegan
7
"Evangelist vs Mormon = Celiac vs Vegan"

In other words, same bullshit.
8
""Evangelist vs Mormon = Celiac vs Vegan"

In other words, same bullshit. "

except that vegans have ethical/political/ideological reasons for their diets, and the gluten-free don't.

not judging either way--and everyone should eat what makes them feel good/healthy--but it is a major difference. I would never call veganism "bullshit."
9
Better get your laughs in before the hordes of Prevention magazine subscribers start commenting on this.
10
As the writer points out "... 1 in 133 people are estimated to have undiagnosed celiac disease.". And while I wholeheartedly agree with them about the myriad of hypochondriac posers cluttering our fine restaurants and grocery stores, 1 in 133 of them ostensibly have AN ACTUAL DISEASE. Vegans on the other hand inflict their diet, and subsequent sanctimonious bitching, on themselves based on some wrongheaded notion of morality, regardless of the medical impact these diets. So I'm going to say that Gluten-free, while bullshit is 1/133rd LESS bullshit than veganism.
11
Gluten should be avoided by most people period. As Anon points out celiac disease is not that common (about 3 million americans have it but most are undiagnosed),but gluten intolerance actually is. They are not the quite same thing. Considering that the source of gluten is often crappy processed carbohydrates,it's not that hard to avoid if you have an allergy of this sort. Get tested if you are concerned. Interesting that anon refers to them as overweight, because many of the people who told me they had celiacs disease (undiagnosed mind you) were faaaattt! Maybe your diet sucks. Eating at voodoo donuts and Flying Pie on the same day probably means you're FAAAAAAAAAT! btw ALL fruits vegetables and Protein sources are gluten free (even Titfu, if you're of those people. Good luck with having the estrogen level of a 15 yr old girl.....errr Vegan)
12
This I,A has it all ... "depressed/farting like crazy/covered in acne," bitterness, lacerating adjectives, and a simmering sense that even more bile is just around the corner. Could this herald a new Golden Age for our beloved column?
13
@showstopper. You can kiss my boney ass! I'm 5'6" & 115 lbs. I lead a healthy, balanced lifestyle & on occasion, I will down voodoo + flying pie in the same day like a fucking champ. I'm certainly not FAAAAAAAAAAT.
14
"(even Titfu, if you're of those people. Good luck with having the estrogen level of a 15 yr old girl.....errr Vegan)"

Seriously? You had to bring sexism into this? Caring about other creatures is feminine, aka weak, to you? That's some bullshit.
Also, vegans eat more than just soy. And soy isn't as evil as people like to think, especially estrogen-wise.
15
"except that vegans have ethical/political/ideological reasons for their diets, and the gluten-free don't."

Not really. Vegan's choice in diet is strictly ideological. Makes them no better than the person who doesn't eat pork for so-called "religious" reasons.
16
What's do you call someone who doesn't eat animal products,(for health reasons) but isn't all douchy and in your face about it? I'm getting tired of being lumped in with vegans.
17
@disastronaut - just round down to Vegetarian and make the same choices you already do.
18
The gluten-free thing is the diet fad that's got everyone's attention. Reality is making gluten-free choices is often a worse choice for you. But this fad will pass, they all do.
19
Dude that was the best!!! I laughed so hard!!! Perfect;)
20
@ Little D if you indeed weigh 115 you are either a rather petite lady or a very emaciated man...either way go for it(lucky you). Realize this was an exaggeration intended to make a point you are not the majority neither am I at 11% bodyfat...yeah I could do it to but I choose to limit it. Bodyweight is'nt the be all indicator of health.@ lilikoi, soy is indeed more beneficial to women but frankly 2 of the isoflavones bind to the estrogen receptors in both sexes. You do the math. Frankly there are much better vegan protein choices that are gluten free. Just because I have a back round in Biochemistry and Nutrition does'nt mean I'm going to do everyones homework .......ok here's a hint-tempeh and miso. Most soy foods are garbage, much like the meat/dairy/ poultry foods they are designed to replace
21
And thank you both for entirely missing the point and harping on your own agendas
22
@mazarine.....ding ding ding, we have a winner. Thank you for understanding the issue
23
Our understanding of how diet effects health (and planet) is rapidly evolving, especially with the explosion of food and nutrition related documentaries the last five years like Supersize Me, Food Inc., Food Matters and Forks Over Knives. I've got real sympathy for those who are lactose and gluten intolerant, as that stuff is everywhere. We could all probably use a little more patience on all sides of this table (hah! see what I did there?), because these issues are only going to continue becoming more central to our discussions of healthcare, economy and sustainability.

By the way, I'm trying out a vegan diet this month for the first time and so far enjoying it, all the surprisingly tasty meat & cheese substitutes, having more energy, and so far no ill side effects like pretentiousness or condescension.
24
A friend directed me here. I'm allergic to wheat, although it's to a different protein than gluten. Here's the thing. You might think that you run into a lot of people like me, but being that this is my reality, it is I who am constantly dealing with people like you. I've listened to this rant (it's usually a little less dickish when it's not anonymous) more times than I can count.
25
I was going to reply to this week's "I, anonymous" with some facts, figures and tips relating to gluten intolerance; I now see that this is not the place for intelligent conversation.
27
I support whatever however I couldn't agree more about this. If you need another way to identify yourself as an individual go do something that makes you an individual, don't just glom onto the trend. *coughs* "vegans", sorry I must have eaten a piece of bread.
28
Yawn! I mean really people, WHO GIVES A FUCK??
29
If you guys "don't give a fuck" you should try leaving the chattering to the adults.
30
I actually have celiac disease (biopsy and blood work both positve). Anyone who would "choose" to do this for diet reasons is insane, this diet sucks. I try so hard to stick to my diet but insentive idiots who can't handle doing their job (if you work in the restaurant business and cannot handle people who have food intolerances, then get another job instead of being pathetically lazy and heartless) can get me sick anyway with cross contamination (I am not a rude customer either). The attack is 10 times worse then the stomach flu, I go into convulsions and the chills are horrible. No amount of hot steaming water can get me warm, I lose an average of 5 pounds each time it happens. The pain is horrifying and my whole body feels it is being eaten up on the inside. BUT no, that is ok, I don't want to offend you and dare to complain I have to have a gluten free diet, God forbid you be inconvienced by my whining. I will just go through the most horrible pain I have ever felt in my life, lose a bunch of weight in one night, have multiple seizures and feel like I am dying slowly just so you don't have to be bothered to get off your lazy ass and check freaking ingredients! BTW, I am not fat at all, actually I am thin, but then again I am medically proven to have celiac disease.
31
Sounds as though eating in restaurants is the problem, glutenfreesucks. The world isn't perfect, and we all have to make adjustments. I suggest you eat more at home and prepare food the way you like it. Problem solved. Unless you think the world is anxious to cater to your every special need. No one has an inborn right to eat at restaurants. Much of the world doesn't even have enough food to eat period, much less the food they choose, much less a restaurant. If I suffered "the most horrible pain I have ever felt in my life," lost multiple pounds overnight, had multiple seizures, &c. &c., I'd wean myself off restaurant meals without regret. Unless, you know, you're just in it for the drama. Your "symptoms" are wildly out of line with the genuine celiac person I know.
32
I ACTUALLY have celiac disease, and I am really sick of phony "allergy sufferers" and orthorexics who go "gluten free" because it's the new healthy diet trend of the month. I am sooooooo sick of your blogs, your cookbooks and your sanctimonious attitudes. If you CHOOSE to follow a GLUTEN FREE diet, it is YOUR responsibility ALONE to provide food for yourself. Not a restaurant. Tough, isn't it? Real celiacs know this and cope. Why? Because we work diligently with our GI docs and nutritionists, we don't spend all day whining on Twitter.

And really - get a grip. No one who has CD suffers from depression/acne/headaches/brain fog/geopgraphic tongue/seizures/ or whatever other symptom of the month you've all come up with. You have bloating. You have diarrhea - and a lot of it. You may have weight loss. You may have a rash and vitamin/mineral deficiencies, but THAT IS IT. Every other symptom is out and out ridiculous and hypochondriacal.

So, on behalf of celiacs worldwide, I hope that this obsession with gluten free living ends soon. Why don't you all become "raw foodists" or something.
33
A particular blogger comes to mind when you're talking about the "disease of the week" crowd. She says she was "diagnosed" by a naturopath with a blood test (no biopsy), and that the mere presence of 1/8th of a teaspoon of gluten will make her violently ill within seconds. That's not even possible, it takes far longer than that for the gluten to reach to reach the villi of your intestine. Makes people who are really sick look as crazy as she is!
34
They're lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, non meat eaters, vegan and allergic to soy. All that's left is Solyent Green ...
35
If you want to see the biggest celiac faker, please do a search for gluten free girl (and the chef)
36
To Pumpkin- Oh God forbid I want to enjoy a nice meal out with my family once in a while, why the h^& should a restaurant not cater to my gluten free diet? I should not have to sit at home every freaking night and not allow my family the fun of eating out together once in while just because I have a disease. My symptoms are exactly what they say they are and I work in the medical field and see others just like me, with even wilder symptoms then mine. BTW, I live in freaking America, not anywhere else in the world! Here I have access to restaurants that serve gluten free meals, so you bet your a$% I am going to enjoy a night out with friends or family once in a while. God bless the USA, my husband has served 17 years in the Army so far. For that reason I am proud to be spoiled once in a while to a romantic dinner out with him in this great country of ours. Don't sit there and judge me unless you actually have celiac disease btw.
37
People with celiac disease can be at higher risk for epilepsy, to understand it better read this...

http://www.celiac.com/articles/116/1/Epilepsy-and-Celiac-Disease/Page1.html

Also, when you have one autoimmune disorder, you are at higher risk for getting others, read this for a list and a link to the symptoms associated with each (you will find the link to celiac disease even has seizures listed which can go with the article above)...

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001819/
38
You're a prick. I stopped eating all grains, and you know what? I have never felt better. AND I can now enjoy dairy products, where previously I casein would wreak havoc on my system. I have taken food allergy and sensitivity tests, and they yielded nothing. All I know is that I feel better. I don't request gluten free beer, because I cut out beer, I don't ask anyone for gluten free bread, because I cut out bread, I don't complain, I don't proselytize, I don't make demands on anyone because it was a lifestyle decision that works for me. So fuck you for making me out to be a dickhead.

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


Add a comment
Preview

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.