I, Anonymous Jan 12, 2012 at 4:00 am

Wherefore Art Thou, Portland?

Comments

1
Hmmm ... I have to admit, they've got a point. But if they're seriously looking for a Portland-like place "before whatever clusterfuck this place is now," may I suggest Pittsburgh? It's not quite the unspoiled paradise Portland never really was (might as well get a little truthy here), but it's got some of the general vibe the poster seems to be pining for. Just be forwarned ... skinny hairy guys wearing bermuda shorts and porkpie hats riding fixies through red lights are everywhere, including P-Burgh. They're just a bit less icky there for some reason.
2
we hate you too I,A
3
As someone who recently moved here, I've been expecting to get snubbed by people that were here before me but I've been extremely surprised by the many warm and enthusiastic "Welcome to Portland" greetings I have received instead. As you suggested, I DID try to make my own town better before moving here. After selling my business, I volunteered full-time for five years on civic projects and creating a non-profit to try to change my community but the "leaders" of my city could not grasp that encouraging people to drive less by walking and cycling more is good for everyone. There are probably dozens of communities across the U.S. that fit your guidelines of urban decay, lack of food choices, abject pollution, beer in bottles, national retailers and whatever other non-progressive characteristics float your boat. Rather than blow your mouth off about those of us who have moved here because it is a forward-moving community, you should focus on moving your sorry ass to pretty much any other city in America.
4
GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA!!! NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE! . Quit making our rent rise and quit taking our jobs. This town is WAY too small for all you assholes. I am tired of all the condos popping up and not being able to drive around at 2 in the afternoon because there are too many dipshits on the road. We were once weird, but now you all are just trying to hard and it just makes this down look so douchey.
5
I've lived in other larger cities where the stereotypes range from crass to ass; Miami, Atlanta, New York, to name a few. I lived in those places for family and work reasons and never really liked them because they weren't where I wanted to be but rather where I had to be. I had read where the Northwest was uber progressive and friendly and forward thinking and thought how refreshing that must be (especially coming from the bible belt that the time). I moved to Portland by choice in early 2010 because I had fallen in love with the city, the region, and the progressive mindset. Yes, I brought a job with me (and gasp, a car too). Once the honeymoon factor wore off I was able to see the divisions and divisiveness of Portland and seemingly the Northwest in general. Ya'll really don't like outsiders or corporations do you? And this thing where you all claim to love freedom of speech so much that nudity isn't exactly illegal (or pot for the matter) yet it's a serious faux pas to say anything in disagreement with anyone, ever, or have an opinion that strays at all from bikes and trains only or preferring the convenience of a mall to a mom and pop shop. Well that's your right and I will respect that. After residing there for 2 years I decided to relocate back East where at least people are honest about being assholes and I can say what I want, when I want, to whom I want and people aren't going to get all snippy about it and build up grudges over time about silly little things. We disagree, then get over it back East. We'll be here ready to welcome you whenever you decide to visit a more open minded area.
6
I've lived in Portland for 15 years, and the commenter is spot-on - this deterioration has happened very quickly over the past five or so years.

The BIGGEST problem is that we have Seattle prices, but Omaha wages. Portland is an unliveable city because it has gotten dreadfully expensive for what you get. Which makes it a great place for people like commenter #3 to show how gosh-darned "progressive" they are.

And for #1 - I'm originally from Pittsburgh, and before anyone starts saying "you should go back there!", I am considering it - people there are genuinely friendly, not the cold, cold, ice cold trustafarians, hipsters, yuppies, and insufferable trendies like #3.

Beer in bottles? Google Barley's and Hop's, or the Sharp Edge for beer pubs that rival any in Portland.
7
Portland is the close-minded liberal equivalent of the Tea Party....right down to the racism and bigotry.
8
I fucking agree. Kill them all and let God sort them out. Douche bag transplant wannabees.
9
I think everyone just needs a big hug and a bong hit. Seriously, Portland has actually maintained a sense of itself even with new development. If you really want to find cheap places to live, dive bars, and a diversified community you can move out past 82nd on the Eastside where all of us who have been priced out on housing are braving the Meth Zone. You might have to put together a neighborhood watch, and spend time clearing up used condoms and syringes, but so far we can't even attract a New Seasons, so you should be safe from all those mean hipsters.
10
Sidenote: I've met plenty of people from the east coast, and just because they spend more time being dicks doesn't necessarily make them more honest.

And Pittsburgh? You mean out by Vernonia? I was out there the other day and I didn't see *any* of that!
11
i've lived in portland for fifty years, spending college time in boston and england, so i get outside the bubble now and again. i remember a portland none of you ever knew. sooner or later, no matter where you live, you have to find a way to get along. love all the comments here. keep talking. my three children sound like all of you, and argue about the same...
12
I love this I, Anonymous for so many reasons.

I moved here ten years ago. I was told by coworkers at the time that I would not be an official Oregonian until I quit carrying an umbrella, regardless of the address on my voter's registration card or my driver's license. Whenever I go to my hometown to visit family, I am shocked at how much has changed over the years. Back there, I am constantly surprised that I ever managed to find my way around the sprawl at 75 mph.

If you look closely, you will still find "old" Portland, even the Portland of 50 years ago, especially in St. Johns. But we are seeing more and more empty storefronts up here, too, and Dollar Tree is moving in across the street from Grocery Outlet.

Once when I came back from a visit home, my roommate told me, "You can't stop progress." It irritated me at the time. But she is right. Bummer.
13
Why can't things stay the same? Why do people keep moving to MY city? Why does everybody have to start loving my favorite bands, restaurants, cities? Why must everything suck now when it used to be so cool, hip, weird, vibrant? Why can't I stop whining, complaining and crying about pathetic, insignificant things that 99% of the world would love to call "problems"?
14
A-fucking-men!!!! This pdx native wholeheartedly agrees with the rant!!!
15
Yeah. I'm a native and I don't miss the skinheads, the small-mindedness, the sole dependency upon blue collar jobs, a town with restaurants that closed at nine and where many places were closed on Sundays. In otherwords: I like that my home town finally became a city.

That said: I miss being able to sit in NW Industrial (now: The Pearl) with friends sharing a bottle of cheap whisky while sitting next to a burning pile of garbage and pallets, two bedroom inner SE apartments for $100, and being able to shoot at river flotsam without it turning into some federal crisis. In otherwords: I miss the 1970's. Also: disco.
16
That's a good point too. I remember what Portland was like in the late '70's and early '80's: dirtier, funkier, far more violent. More exciting in a number of ways, but definitely not what your average person who lives around here these days would feel like putting up with.

I say it often: we more or less became the city we wanted to be, mostly in a good way.
17
Sorry, I, Anonymous. I never plan on moving back to Los Angeles. I went to the Bay area and they said, "move back to LA" and then I came to Portland and they said, "move back to California. I don't particularly like LA, and I never will be able to afford to live where I grew up either. Despite the social issues in which LA has many of the same, I love this city, and I'm happy to call it home now.
18
I, Anonymous,

Ironically, the Portland you're longing for existed before The Mercury came along to enlighten every man, woman, and child. I'll tell ya what might make you feel better. How about you spend some time reflecting on how the native people (in the true sense) of this land felt when your cracker-ass, in-bred ancestors "came to town."
19
None of these "Problems" exist in the Foster Powell. No over-development, no over-progressives, no school and a Food 4 Less. They want the "real" Portland but not too "real".

Its so funny that people feel like they have to justify their reasons for moving to Portland. Face it, you moved here because you where the unique butterfly that had no one else to fly with in Kansas or wherever, now you're in butterfly-fucking-central complaining about all the other butterfly's and how you remain the only true butterfly. Not even the rain can keep you away anymore.
20
None of these "Problems" exist in the Foster Powell. No over-development, no over-progressives, no school and a Food 4 Less. They want the "real" Portland but not too "real".

Its so funny that people feel like they have to justify their reasons for moving to Portland. Face it, you moved here because you where the unique butterfly that had no one else to fly with in Kansas or wherever, now you're in butterfly-fucking-central complaining about all the other butterfly's and how you remain the only true butterfly. Not even the rain can keep you away anymore.
21
None of these "Problems" exist in the Foster Powell. No over-development, no over-progressives, no school and a Food 4 Less. They want the "real" Portland but not too "real".

Its so funny that people feel like they have to justify their reasons for moving to Portland. Face it, you moved here because you where the unique butterfly that had no one else to fly with in Kansas or wherever, now you're in butterfly-fucking-central complaining about all the other butterfly's and how you remain the only true butterfly. Not even the rain can keep you away anymore.
22
dear poser "native",
please tell us what tribe you are from, and where your people hunted and fished for the past 10,000 years. tell us why you do not like sustainability, when it was your people's main way of life until the past few hundred years. oh what, you are a white guy? what a shock. i know, you yearn for the good old days when Oregon was the most racist state on this side of the country, right? tell us why some people think they are better than others because of where their mothers happened to be when squeezing them out. we all hear about how crappy the school system is here, but even a moron should be able to tell the difference between 200 and 10,000. it would seem to me that the more out of towners move here, the smarter the city gets, right?
you wanna talk irony? why do all you white "natives" proudly regurgitate Tom McCall's quote about "sure come and visit, just don't move here"? that guy was born in Massachusetts for fuck's sake!
And I did not refuse to make my town better, unless you know some magical way to make Chicago less than 2 hours from the ocean, mountains, desert, and have winters that rarely get below 30 degrees.
And about this "GET THE FUCK OUT, NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE, GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM", I bet the REAL natives were saying something very similar a few hundred years ago.
Fuck you very much,
Just another white guy.
23
I could say the same shit about Chicago. Whatever, I like having the forest to run to. That's why I live here. I moved here two years ago after having visited my friends here over the years. I really didn't get the memo that it was the "coolest place on the planet." Even being new here, I have to agree, it's really overboard. High rent, few jobs and crap pay. I have to say though, I needed to live somewhere not as cold and dangerous as Chicago, but that offers a welcoming music scene. Things like a bullet coming through my window one Sunday morning, stepping around a pool of blood from a murdered 16-year-old for a week on my walk to work because the city never cleaned it up, no parking, car being frozen into street after broken water mains, constant fear of being shot or mugged...all real shit, no fucking joke. I don't miss that. But I have to feel for this guy a bit. I lived in all the shitty hoods in Chicago. And every one of them is now full of hipsters or whoever soulless dumbasses there are. The truth is, cities are becoming the place to live. It's an inescapable fact. That means people like us, who lived in major cities before "Friends" made it cool, have to realize that it's changed. Big cities are all going to be full of people from everywhere. Sorry, but anyone who went to dive bars inevitably gets all their friends to get going there too. Know why? Old working class people who hang out in bars are mostly quiet dudes, and aren't the kind of action younger people are looking for. It does suck when cities change and are glossed over by consumerism and corporations and whatever else. But it's a growing pain for all big cities today as they become "the place to be."
24
and in the meantime every single hood rat and derelict has subsequently lost their mind! ill take white gentrification and quaint underemployed hipsters any day compared to retard gang bangers and dumb ass east county trash. apparently you dont ride east side max past lloyd center much.
25
Deschutes is a Bend brewery, you narrow-minded, cranky, ridiculous asshole!
26
This again, huh? As it turns out, people are dicks everywhere. As a whole, this area has more nice people and shit is less crowded than our neighboring metro areas. Life is easy here.

Everyone hates traffic, what's new. I don't like the cyclists either, but it's honestly not that hard to deal with. I gather I arrived here before the cutoff (5 years according to whiny fruitcake #8), but I wouldn't care if I got here 3 years ago instead of 10. Provincial sluts always cry like toddlers. Big whoop.

It's going to get worse, cowards. Anyone who thinks they have the market cornered on what it is to be a true Portlander is just exposing themselves as self-important and boring. Nobody cares what you think. Live a life and stop living in your muddled, poorly remembered past.
27
i don't get it. Honestly. This city has changed, as my perspective of it has changed. Yeah, the pearl used to be some drinking grounds, now it's not. But, i'm not trying to hang out & drink 40's in the beer garden's anymore.
My biggest issue with our town is the gentrification. Usurping "cultured & artist" neighborhoods & pricing the very people that created that community for themselves, out of their homes. N., NE., SE. Stay over in N & S West. You are not wanted. And it really says something when a home in NE is valued at more than a home in the sw hills. i love that, but i hate what it means for me & mine.
28
And when did you move here? And where did you move from? If Portland has changed since you moved here, why do you think that is? I know it's difficult to think analytically, but try. What is the one thing you know happened at the time you moved here? Give up? You moved here! Then your friends moved here! Then other people like you moved here! Then some other people unlike you but drawn to the community you created moved here! Poof, its a different town and it's because of you.
So why don't you move to Milwaukee and then complain and tell all your chums how awesome it is and then complain about it in ten years?
29
Nooooooooo! are you trying to tell me that THINGS CHANGE? THE HORROR!
30
Fuck off !
Cities grow, GET OVER IT! Portland is a great place to live, that is why people move here. If Portland sucks, it is a people problem, not a "town problem". People need to stop acting like douche bags. I have met other Oregonians who act like elitist Oregonian fuckers. As far as the "Gentrification" complaint, if people wanted to save their neighborhood, maybe they shouldnt be outside the Nest begging for change to buy a beer, and focusing more on saving their original neighborhood, as it was, and stop acting like victims. AND, last but not least if you HATE Portland, FUCKING LEAVE RETARD!
31
I'd be interested to know what gives any of you the right to tell me where to live.
33
I can't resist this post because Portland has changed for the worse. I see nothing but unoriginal, designer clothed, boring, anti social, trust funded, transplanted assholes walking around trying to look pretty and disinterested. Just like LA. Then you have the uber fortunate older yuppies coming here to live the liberal dream... who don't do jack shit for a living but somehow drive the cost of housing through the roof. Basically, Portland has become a popular destination for wealthy posers who can live anywhere they want.

I have finally vacated inner SE Portland... not for another city but for an amazing mid century ranch East of 82nd. It is not scary at all, there are many pockets of cute 50's era neighborhoods. I have 2400 sq ft of living space, garage, nice yard, 2 fireplaces, and 4 bedrooms for the same price as an 800 sq ft shit hole in inner PDX... Plus I own it! Only 10 minutes from inner Portland at any time. To live in inner Portland these days you must be very well off or a total sucker.
34
I live near Rockwood in outer PDX, which is the poorest part of Multnomah County. This is where the "blue collar" neighborhoods are now. I will stop short of singing "Gee, our Old Lasalle ran great", but understand that the working middle class no longer exist. They have become the poor working class, even with college degrees. There are tons of places here for rent, but understand that it isn't all wine and roses here. If you really want to address a real issue, how about this: Tell those with money to stop coming east of 82nd Ave. for their vices, and maybe then we can have real neighborhoods where we can thrive. Let's see loads of adult bookstores and hookers in Lake Oswego for a change.
35
I was born and raised in San Francisco, another city that filled up with carpet-bagging doucheholes (including a great many from Portland, Oregon) who raised rents, snatched up jobs, and fornicated my husband. I was angry too. My city! Mine! How dare you move here and breathe my air!!

When I got older, and got cancer (perhaps from 45 years of living in a densely-populated cluster hole full of violent thugs and psychotic rich yuppies) I decided if I survived it might be time to move on.

So I did live, and I took my bald, breast cancer body to Portland to start over and pretend it never happened. I know it's annoying, I know. There are too many new people and they alter the identity of a city, more than likely for the worse. But some of us are nice people, and we needed to leave the place that we were for a reason. We like you, and we like your city. Give us a break.
37
Pretentious bigot, you have the gall to call others sanctimonious? Who the Fuck are you? You want the good ol' one brewery worth drinking days? You don't like neutral colors? Sort your self out. You're crabby ass was not what made it "so rootsy" then, and you're definitely not making it any better now.
You want irony? Possessive self-righteous fucks like you can make anywhere they stick a flag suck.
38
@Ten Red - I hope to be both!
39
I just moved here. I am 26 and fucking loaded thanks to my Grandfather's incredible work ethic. I will wave it your dive bar frequenting face while I sport my thick-rimmed glasses, hipster beanie, and DEEP V-neck organically grown cotton shirt from Urban Outfitters. I am not an artist but I sure look like one and the three cords I play on my sweet Martin that most real guitarists can't afford will only make you want to scream. I will likely never be found out as there are many of us among you. I just wanted you to know that we have a stock-pile of fucks over here, and you ain't getting any of 'em. We give ZERO fucks. See you at Deschutes. Or your local dive bar, whatever is trendy at the time and will get me a piece off arse. Thats what this is really about anyway.
40
To live in inner Portland these days you must be very well off or a total sucker.

I live in a 1200 square foot apartment in the inner SE, very close to the burnside bridge and I work a $12/hr job with no financial help or trust fund or anything...Portland is not expensive. The apartment I live in would rent for four times the price in Brooklyn or SF. I understand it is more expensive than what it used to be, but that's what happens in cities. It always has.
41
and to the commenter who claimed we have "omaha wages with seattle prices"...our cost of rent as a percentage of income here in Portland is actually quite low as far as cities of over 500,000 people go. I don't know of many interesting large cities where you can live in a nice close-in neighborhood or downtown and make under $35,000/yr.
42
Wow! These are such problems from a privileged dick-bag! A,I, you seriously don't know what the fuck real problems are you spoiled rotten cock ranger!
43
White People Problems!
44
I bet when you shit, you shed a tear when you flush the toilet. I bet your apartment is a sample of your old timey Portland culture. PBR cans, an acoustic guitar with Modest Mouse guitar tabs, and a junkie for a room mate. Nah man, YOU ARE THE REASON I CAME HERE. I so wanted to be a part of this pile of soggy debris you call home. I think I'll stay til it runs back into the ground and you and I can hang out in our favorite "ironic bar".
45
Wow. What a fucking cry baby. You know, I was born and raised in the Bay Area and during the dot-com boom real-estate prices sky-rocketed due to all the people that came from other states to work the high-salaried tech jobs. Young folk like me and my husband didn't stand a chance as we were just starting out. Rent in a dilapidated area easily ran upwards of $2k per month, and to buy a home -- well "bad side of town" had homes starting around $450k. After struggling to make it, and then being laid off in the dot-com bust, we had to go somewhere. So, I get being pissed off that people from California have moved to your pristine uptopia, but realize that it was people from other states -- MANY from Portland, that drove us out of our home towns. And realize that many transplants end up starting their own business in Portland, such as I have. You know, actually creating jobs. So go on and move to the Portland before whatever clusterfuck this place is now, but realize that wherever you land, you'll be reading the exact same rant in that towns local rag and it will be all about YOU.
46
"I live in a 1200 square foot apartment in the inner SE, very close to the burnside bridge and I work a $12/hr job with no financial help or trust fund or anything...Portland is not expensive. The apartment I live in would rent for four times the price in Brooklyn or SF. I understand it is more expensive than what it used to be, but that's what happens in cities. It always has."

Then hold onto it, because when you leave the next tennant will pay a lot more. Portland rent now days is only cheap when compared to the most popular, more expensive big cities... New York, Chicago, LA, San Francisco, Seattle. And it's creaping up on those places. The town has definately filled up with douches and their money because San Diego and LA ran out of room. Now that they have arrived a 700 sq ft apt goes for $1K a month, the yuppy restaunts you can walk to charges $18 for eggs, and the boutiques are selling jeans for $200. Portland is officially dead.
47
I sure did like this planet a lot more before the last 100 million people got here. Now it sucks.
48
Portland, one of the most beautiful cities in America built by Men & Women in the early 1900's! To all you citizens out there - know that you are standing on the backs of Giants!
49
Yet another dooshbaguette who is a sore loser because they are unable to adapt along with changing times. Your time would be better spent trying to bottle and sell nostalgia, with you yourself as your biggest client.
50
Portland rent is relatively cheap, you guys. On average it's, like, $700.00. Any less than that and you're going to be living in Nebraska. So, shut the fuck up or get out.

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