Kalah Allen

Dear obsessive hand-washing coworker: I like you. You're a decent guy, you're pleasant to work with, and you do your job well and with a positive attitude. Additionally, there is no way in hell you could know that I suffer from "stage fright" in public restrooms. #1 is all right, but there is no way I can go #2 if someone else is in the bathroom. Therefore, having had to sit, terrified, holding my stool until you leave the bathroom I just have to ask... DUDE! WHAT IS UP WITH THE HAND WASHING? I don't begrudge you washing your hands per se. It's good to be clean, especially after going to the bathroom, and I would normally applaud your diligence. But you wash your hands—FOR 15 MINUTES—BEFORE you even go to the bathroom. Then, after you're done urinating, you wash your hands AGAIN—FOR 15 MINUTES. So, I sit there, in the crapper, and listen to the "PUMP-WHOOSH" of the automatic faucet over and over and over again, desperately wanting to complete my deposit but unable to because, evidently, you're sterilizing yourself for brain surgery. There has to be a happy medium. Maybe you should bring your own special, high-powered soaps? JUST PLEASE LET ME SHIT IN PEACE!!!!—Anonymous