The Forbidden Fruit
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.
I'm writing this so I can apologize to my amazing girlfriend, who I've lied to. To her I'd like to say I'm sorry I haven't told you the truth. Remember last week when you walked into the kitchen and asked me what I was cooking? I'm sure you noticed the shame, the embarassment, and the fear when I saw you. That's when I lied. I told you I was microwaving tacos. I wasn't. I was microwaving a grapefruit. I know it's sick; the first time I screwed a grapefruit, it was sort of a joke with my friends; we did it together, as practice for when we finally got girlfriends. I peel them, warm them up in the microwave, and then loosen them up a little manually. I'm sorry I lied, but how could I rationally explain the truth? This also explains the problem we've been having in bed--at least you know it's not an STD. If you're reading this, please forgive me and never bring it up. I'm so embarrassed, and I'm so sorry.--Anonymous