The Acid Test
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.
I'm sorry I dosed you with so much acid, but your naive tough girl act was just too funny to let you get away with it. It was obvious that you didn't know what you were getting into when you insisted that you wanted to take just as much LSD as the rest of us, but you were such a dick about demanding it... so you got what you asked for! I probably gave you about seven hits' worth--I don't know, I just cut off a big hunk. But your dumb ass just gobbled it up like you'd done it a million times before, even though everyone knows you're just a preppy square from Minnesota or Montana or some butt-fuck nowhere "M" state, and you're trying to prove yourself. I felt a little bad when you started vomiting everywhere, but watching you whimper and speak in baby voices, trying to tell yourself, "Everything's okay! Everything's happy!" was just a straight-up riot. Well where did you get off to now, toughie? Don't you want to play anymore? I've got some mushrooms and some DMT with your name written all over it, poser!!!--Anonymous